No Touch Monkey!

This blog has moved

2010-03-09T14:51:00.001-06:00

This blog is now located at http://capnmarrrrk.blogspot.com/.
You will be automatically redirected in 30 seconds, or you may click here.

For feed subscribers, please update your feed subscriptions to
http://capnmarrrrk.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default.

Kick off Black Friday with a Pitchfork in the Ass: Who is Krampus?

2009-11-27T00:00:00.000-06:00

Greetings from Jan 2, 2009. I hope everyone has had a decent year so far. How was Thanksgiving with the relatives? Did you get stuffed?

Things are slow at work today, so I'd been using Stumble Upon to, well, stumble when I came across this link. I got a notion in my head to set up a post for later this year, so I don't have to bookmark it and come back to it when it becomes relevant. So here here we are on Black Friday.

So on with the show!

Everyone knows that Santa keeps lists of good and bad children. If you are good you get a visit from Santa and he leaves toys. But in turn -of-the-century Europe, if you were bad you got a visit from KRAMPUS! Originating in Germany and the Teutonic countries, KRAMPUS acted as Santa's servant. As time passed KRAMPUS developed a rather malicious disposition and became almost an Anti-Santa. While jolly St. Nick delivered gifts to the good, KRAMPUS gave coal and rocks to the naughty, beat the bad with switches, and if a child was especially naughty, he would shackle them in chains, stuff them in a bucket and throw them into the fiery pits of hell! Beginning in the 1880's KRAMPUS appeared on cards that were sent on the Eve Of St. Nick and was depicted as a black dwarf dressed in a fur vest, Moorish clothes and a devil mask or horns. As time passed his feet were replaced with claws or hooves (sometimes one of each) and his body itself became covered in fur and he wore little or no clothing. Sometimes a common "devil" type tail is also added. Eventually his tongue became obscenely long as did his horns. On some occasions cards were sent not with a picture of KRAMPUS but with a simple picture of his switch or chains and the phrase "Gruss Vom Krampus!" (Greetings From Krampus) or "Brav Sein!" (Be Good). By the time of the 1960's KRAMPUS became more associated with adults and sex (much like a St. Valentine's Day devil) and postcards of that time often portray him leering at, and sometimes carrying away, nubile young women.

Click me to see awesome Krampus Postcards

If you really want to know...

2009-11-17T09:48:00.004-06:00

I have to say, it's an odd thing to have someone else's digital music player. In this case it's a 2 Gig Sony Walkman that magically appeared in the mail yesterday. The note read (paraphrased)"Thank you very much for working so hard on Mac's websites. We thought Mac would like someone to have his music. He had eclectic taste so we hope you enjoy it. Also, we don't even know how to turn it on, so we think a young person can get a lot of use out it."

It's a little bit like reading someone's diary because we all know the personal associations and feelings that certain music and artists evoke. Plus, I didn't have any ear buds at home, so I used the ones enclosed with the unit. Our ear waxes merged, though for a brief crazy second I thought: "I sure we we could clone Mac from a sample of his ear wax." But that's not possible. For the record, the buds were clean. There was no detritus on them.

I was hoping to be able to extract the songs from the Walkman and make them available, but alas it's a one way trip, and I nearly erased it trying to do so with some shady software.

I was able to pull a copy of the playlist. As you will see, there is nothing amazing or all that surprising (other than the Sade), and there were no hidden gems of sonic weirdness. Just the music of a guy who really loved The Smiths, and Morrissey, REM, Portishead and the Cure.

10000 Maniacs:In my Tribe
Beth Gibbons & Rustin': Man-Out of Season
Bjork:Medulla
Brian Eno: Everything that Happens
Bowie: Changes, Heathen, Reality
Graeme Revell: Until the end of the world
Massive Attack: Mezzanine
Morrissey:Bona Drag, Kill Uncle, Ringleader of the Tormentors
Vauxhall and I, Viva Hate, You Are the Quarry (Deluxe Ed), Your Arsenal
Nico: Chelsea Girl
Peter Gabriel: So
Portishead: Dummy, Portishead, Roseland NYC (live), Sour Times, Third
REM: Accelerate, Around The Sun, Automatic For The People, Fables of the Reconstruction, Murmur, Out of Time, Reveal, Until The End of the World, UP,
Radiohead: Amnesiac, Hail to the Thief, In Rainbows, Kid A, OK Computer
Röyksopp: The Understanding
Sade: Diamond Life
Talking Heads: Fear of Music, More Songs About Buildings and Food, Speaking in Tongues, Until The End of the World: Sax And Violins
The Cure: Disintegration, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Staring at the Sea: The Singles 1979-1985, Wish
The Knife: Hannah Med H, Silent Shout, The Knife
The Smiths: Louder Than Bombs, Meat is Murder, Strangeways, Here We Come, The Queen Is Dead, The Smiths.

The Nature of Mac Tonnies Health Problems

2009-10-30T08:39:00.002-05:00

Hi,
I picked this up from the comments on Posthuman Blues and I thought I would repost it here so you don't have to scroll down the thread.

Posted by Intense

In an attempt at trying to help relieve concerns and answer some of the perplexing questions that have come up regarding how or what Mac died from, I should note, having spoken earlier this week to his mother, Dana, that she told me that Mac apparently had some underlying heart problems.

She mentioned that once, many years ago in high school, Mac had complained about a racing or fast-beating heart, which made him feel somewhat faint. She took him to a doctor, but the diagnostic tests done then did not indicate any obvious or continuing physiological heart or circulatory disease.

Then, about a year ago, Mac again complained that his heart seemed to be going through irregular beats, and intermittently racing faster than normal, which made him feel tired and light-headed, and Dana again drove him to another doctor who ran an EKG on him, which did show somewhat anomalous results.

She said the doctor told Mac that if he didn't know better, the first EKG results alone would seem to indicate he might have had a mild heart attack. Since Mac, when he subsequently underwent additional tests, including extensive treadmill stress testing, did not show further symptoms or problems after the initial EKG, and the later tests seemed to show he was fine, I'm guessing Mac and his mom thought or were advised it was probably a relatively benign, anomalous incident that didn't require further concern, as Mac seemed quite healthy otherwise, got plenty of exercise from walking a lot, was a vegetarian, and the doctor could find nothing wrong after the further testing.

It seems probable in retrospect that his intermittent heart problems may have, over time, led to some accumulated heart muscle damage leading up and finally causing his passing after the arrhythmia symptoms recurred.

I don't know if perhaps his liking for strong espresso, diet, the possible strain from his day job while also trying to complete his book by his proposed deadline of November 1st, or other factors, could have contributed to what apparently was a heart attack, but I've read a couple references on the net that in the few weeks prior to his passing, he again had heart palpitations on a few occasions, and had at times recently felt fatigued or dizzy once more.

Since his last tweet was at 7:49 pm on Sunday, October 18th, which was earlier than he usually concluded sending out tweets or posting to his blog, I can only assume or speculate that he might have felt tired earlier than usual, and because he had to work the next day, might have retired to bed earlier than usual for him.

So, to help put aside some of the more morbid or conspiratorial things I've seen on the net recently, it seems that due to Mac's underlying prior inconclusive history of occasional heart symptoms, the actual nature or seriousness of which may have been mistakenly ascribed by Mac or others to hard work, long hours, maybe too much coffee, or other mundane stress factors and thus overlooked, most likely he simply had an overfibrillated heart attack in his sleep either that night or the following morning, as he was found later that week in bed.

I know it's hard to understand or accept that someone so bright and relatively young could die so abruptly and unexpectedly (and due to the timing, with his book about to be submitted, arousing some suspicions in certain quarters), and with him showing such great promise, it's also hard to wrap one's mind around his sudden absence, but now that you know a bit more about his previously unrecognized serious heart problems, it hopefully will be a little less difficult to let him finally go. It was an unfortuanate but "natural" death, IMHO.

I couldn't believe it at first myself, as some of my initial comments above show, but after having talked to his mom, and learning more about what I have noted above, I find it no less saddening that Mac is gone, but at least more understandable, and I now accept it. I will truly miss him, and what he potentially would have done. He was a real contender. May he happily wander among the stars...

This is Halloween...Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

2009-10-27T10:27:00.009-05:00

Back when I was a kid I used to think that I had psychic powers. Either telepathy, telekinesis or precognition. I couldn't move shit to save my life, but I thought I could will traffic lights green, that I knew what people were going to say before they could say it, or predict other events. I believed that my Powers grew from March 31st until they peaked on Halloween. Of course I didn't, but still...It was a nice to think so back then.

I've always loved Halloween, but this year I'm not quite in the mood. So this is my Lift-Me-Up post to get in the spirit. We're having what I think may be a blow out party this year. We've invited a bunch of new friends we've met this year through our Drawing Meet Up, and we're going to have have lights, a smoke machine and Karaoke in which I will blast away at The Time Warp and scare everyone in the house.

Here are some photos from Plattner-ween of the past:

Some really cool Ilustrations by: Matthew Kirscht

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2291/1734664740_f29d782045.jpg

Here: Here's a version of Season of the Witch by Dr. John and the Blues Brother's Band (thought I think Clapton is there too).

Did you like it and want to hear more? I just found 19 more here:

Now we'll toss in some retro Halloween Pin Ups:

via janitoroflunacy.tumblr.com

Read the Entire Book O' Hallowe'en (1919)

Let's End it with The Halloween Tree:

By the time we've all finished this post to it's conclusion, I think we'll all be closer to making it be a Phantasmagorical Halloween.

Thought Salad

2009-10-26T09:36:00.009-05:00

Ok, so I'm back after an extended hiatus.I'm not going to make excuses and promise to always be here. Let's face it, Twitter is awesome. It allows me to update my bullshit in real time. But with the death of Mac Tonnies, it's caused me to reevaluate how much I want to share myself and the things I encounter with the world.

Those who follow me on Twitter already know how broken up I am over Mac's death.What makes me saddest of all is that to my knowledge, he was not a romantic relationship, and as I understand it, had a lot of difficulty finding and maintaining one.And I think was a symptom of his core sadness which surfaced from time to time in his posts and his Tweets. I think we shared a general feeling of isolation from the rest of the world, but it was more pronounced with Mac. You could see it in his photographs, of what he chose as his subjects: Statues, Manikins, automatons, architecture...not a lot of people (though you're there).

Sigh. Of course Mac had friends, good friends and caring friends. I know I'm attributing personality to Mac that may or may not be there, but those were the impressions I got from "reading" him. I knew that as much as he had hope for a digital, exobiotic future, the here and now ground down upon him daily. You have to have hope for the future when the present sucks so bad. And I believe that as distant as Mac thought he felt from everyone, he had an incredible empathy for the animals, the disenfranchised, and the have nots.

I'm sad because he didn't have the time to live where he wanted, to find a fulfilling daily job or career.But, I'm saddest of all because he didn't have enough time to fill the hole which I am sure bedeviled and plagued him to the end of his days. Me, I like to remember him smiling.

Other Things

Much to my surprise I'm still keeping up with the weirdness.I've been sidelined all Summer with a foot injury from simultaneously doing extensive yoga and a Fitness Boot Camp in the park with crappy shoes. My foot still hurts after physical therapy and a Cortezone shot, so it may require surgery, though I'm not taking the time to look into the MRI. Which is foolish. I should do that. I guess I will.

Anyway, I ended up putting on a few pounds and feeling out of shape, so I set up my bike trainer in the basement to do some stationary cycling. The problem is, now the guest room is down there instead of the office, so I have to cycle out in the boring unfinished part (with no TV). So rather than be bored staring at the air conditioner I decided to make my own entertainment by strapping on my www.mindfold.com/ installing some ear plugs and doing Sensory Deprivation Cycling.

So far the results are not that much different from when I do this laying on a couch. Part of me is observer, part participant. The hardest thing to do at the moment is to concentrate on looking out through my eyes instead of rolling the up and looking upon my inner eye.

But that doesn't tell you anything does it? Ok...Here are things I've seen: Sometimes I can look out into the void before my eyes and feel the space. The basement walls vanish and it's just void. The the abstract shapes appear. Sometimes they are skull-like (since I've been drawing skulls), or alien grays (last night because of Mac). I get flashes of yellow/green in my peripheral vision. And I know that my mask is sealed tight.

click to enlarge

A few times I was able to lose my identity in the cycling and the vision for a few seconds before I panic about falling off the bike or the bike unmooring from the trainer, but so far it's taken all the speed and energy I can throw at it and dismounted. Hmmm perhaps I should do an inspection run before hand.

Also sometimes my inner monologue changes voice. I've had it in the past become black women, old people, Hispanic...others not mine. When that happens, I wonder if a blow to the head will cause me to speak with a new accent.Foreign accent syndrome. Last night I got a Hispanic accent which sounded a lot like Antonio Banderas. Go figure. Also for the first time I got an olfactory hit of airplane glue after a chain association made me think of the plastic Star Trek Phaser and Tricorder I build as a child.

So I'll continue to do these sense dep cyclings, and broadcast them on-line because...well, why not?

Even if Mac is gone, we still follow the motto of Planetary: It's a strange world, let's keep it that way.

When Google Voicemail Transscription Goes Wrong

2009-08-08T01:40:00.002-05:00

My wife got a voicemail from her sister tonight and Google Voice transcribed it and sent it to her. Her sister, Cynthia, has a strong Brazilian accent, so this is what Google thought she said:

And all that's me time here phone services. You might be getting ready to go out so it's not a message of Pentecost out for a run by you, but I guess we'll talk later. Love you bye.

I have no idea what she said.

Yet another great Vonnegut passage:

2009-07-01T13:58:00.003-05:00

From God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater (1965), in which Kurt Vonnegut writes about the Death of the American Dream.

Dear Cousin, or whoever you may be --

Congratulations on your great good fortune. Have fun. It may increase your perspective to know what sorts of manipulators and custodians your unbelievable wealth has had up to now.

Like so many great American fortunes, the Rosewater pile was accumulated in the beginning by a humorless, constipated Christian farm boy turned speculator and briber during and after the Civil War. The farm boy was Noah Rosewater, my great-grandfather, who was born in Rosewater County, Indiana.

Noah and his brother George inherited from their pioneer father six hundred acres of farmland, land as dark and rich as chocolate cake, and a small saw factory that was nearly bankrupt. War came.

George raised a rifle company, marched away at its head.

Noah hired a village idiot to fight in his place, converted the saw factory to the manufacture of swords and bayonets, converted the farm to the raising of hogs. Abraham Lincoln declared that no amount of money was too much to pay for the restoration of the Union, so Noah priced his merchandise in scale with the national tragedy. And he made this discovery: Government objections to the price or quality of his wares could be vaporized with bribes that were pitifully small.

He married Cleota Herrick, the ugliest woman in Indiana, because she had four hundred thousand dollars. With her money he expanded the factory and bought more farms, all in Rosewater County. He became the largest individual hog farmer in the North. And, in order not to be victimized by meat packers, he bought controlling interest in an Indianapolis slaughterhouse. In order not to be victimized by steel suppliers, he bought controlling interest in a steel company in Pittsburgh. In order not to be victimized by coal suppliers, he bought controlling interest in several mines. In order not to be victimized by money lenders, he founded a bank.

And his paranoid reluctance to be a victim caused him to deal more and more in valuable papers, in stocks and bonds, and less and less in swords and pork. Small experiments with worthless papers convinced him that such papers could be sold effortlessly. While he continued to bribe persons in government to hand over treasuries and national resources, his first enthusiasm became the peddling of watered stock.

When the United States of America, which was meant to be a Utopia for all, was less than a century old, Noah Rosewater and a few men like him demonstrated the folly of the Founding Fathers in one respect: those sadly recent ancestors had not made it the law of the Utopia that the wealth of each citizen should be limited. This oversight was engendered by a weak-kneed sympathy for those who loved expensive things, and by the feeling that the continent was so vast and valuable, and the population so thin and enterprising, that no thief, no matter how fast he stole, could more than mildly inconvenience anyone.

Noah and a few like him perceived that the continent was in fact finite, and that venal office-holders, legislators in particular, could be persuaded to toss up great hunks of it for grabs, and to toss them in such a way as to have them land where Noah and his kind were standing.

Thus did a handful of rapacious citizens come to control all that was worth controlling in America. Thus was the savage and stupid and entirely inappropriate and unnecessary and humorless American class system created. Honest, industrious, peaceful citizens were classed as bloodsuckers, if they asked to be paid a living wage. And they saw that praise was reserved henceforth for those who devised means of getting paid enormously for committing crimes against which no laws had been passed. Thus the American dream turned belly up, turned green, bobbed to the scummy surface of cupidity unlimited, filled with gas, went _bang_ in the noonday sun.

_E pluribus unum_ is surely an ironic motto to inscribe on the currency of this Utopia gone bust, for every grotesquely rich American represents property, privileges, and pleasures that have been denied the many. An even more instructive motto, in the light of history made by the Noah Rosewaters, might be: _Grab much too much, or you'll get nothing at all_.

And Noah begat Samuel, who married Geraldine Ames Rockefeller. Samuel became even more interested in politics than his father had been, served the Republican Party tirelessly as a king-maker, caused that party to nominate men who would whirl like dervishes, bawl fluent Babylonian, and order the militia to fire into crowds whenever a poor man seemed on the point of suggesting that he and a Rosewater were equal in the eyes of the law.

And Samuel bought newspapers, and preachers, too. He gave them this simple lesson to teach, and they taught it well: _Anybody who thought that the United States of America was supposed to be a Utopia was a piggy, lazy, God-damned fool_. Samuel thundered that no American factory hand was worth more than eighty cents a day. And yet he could be thankful for the opportunity to pay a hundred thousand dollars or more for a painting by an Italian three centuries dead. And he capped this insult by giving paintings to museums for the spiritual elevation of the poor. The museums were closed on Sundays.

And Samuel begat Lister Ames Rosewater, who married Eunice Eliot Morgan. There was something to be said for Lister and Eunice: unlike Noah and Cleota and Samuel and Geraldine, they could laugh as though they meant it. As a curious footnote to history, Eunice became Woman's Chess Champion of the United States in 1927, and again in 1933.
Eunice also wrote an historical novel about a female gladiator, _Ramba of Macedon_, which was a best-seller in 1936. Eunice died in 1937, in a sailing accident in Cotuit, Massachusetts. She was a wise and amusing person, with very sincere anxieties about the condition of the poor. She was my mother.

Her husband, Lister, never was in business. From the moment of his birth to the time I am writing this, he has left the manipulation of his assets to lawyers and banks. He has spent nearly the whole of his adult life in the Congress of the United States, teaching morals, first as a Representative from the district whose heart is Rosewater County, and then as Senator from Indiana. That he is or ever was an Indiana person is a tenuous political fiction. And Lister begat Eliot.

Lister has thought about the effects and implications of his inherited wealth about as much as most men think about their left big toes. The fortune has never amused, worried, or tempted him. Giving ninety-five per cent of it to the Foundation you now control didn't cause him a twinge.

And Eliot married Sylvia DuVrais Zetterling, a Parisienne beauty who came to hate him. Her mother was a patroness of painters. Her father was the greatest living cellist. Her maternal grandparents were a Rothschild and a DuPont.

And Eliot became a drunkard, a Utopian dreamer, a tinhorn saint, an aimless fool.

Begat he not a soul.

_Bon voyage_, dear Cousin or whoever you are. Be generous. Be kind. You can safely ignore the arts and sciences. They never helped anybody. Be a sincere, attentive friend of the poor.

The letter was signed,
The late Eliot Rosewater.

Discovered in my AppleScript book

2009-06-26T09:19:00.002-05:00

So far, you’ve created an IPod class and created an instance of it, but we’ve already discovered that it’s
completely useless as it is. It’s like an annoying socialite factory capable of churning out an endless parade of celebrity wannabes who are famous just for being famous, despite being completely devoid of both substance and talent. I’m sure you can think of a few media personalities who fit this bill, and we refuse to let your IPod class become one of them.

Another Vonnegut Quote Too Long for Twitter.

2009-06-21T13:18:00.002-05:00

From "Mother Night"

"I doubt if there has ever been a society that has been without strong and young people eager to experiment with
homicide, provided no very awful penalties are attached to it."

I think this works for both the Iranian Basiji and The United States Marine Corps.

The Best Paragraph I Read in a Long Time

2009-05-31T23:15:00.002-05:00

From Spaceman's Blues: A Love Story by Brian Francis Slattery

The Pan-Galactic Groove Squad crashes through the window at eleven-thirty to claps and cheers and stomping feet; there are twenty-seven of them in this band, they have guitars and basses, keyboards, accordions, horns, banjos, and drums, so many drums, and they set up in no time and begin to play, a beat that starts down low and simple, just the kick and some hi-hat with one bass snaking around it. The rest of the band waits, they're letting the groove get in the pocket, hit bottom. It does; and now two drummers join in, they weave a polyrhythm that brings in one guitar and some pops from a banjo, oh this groove is young but it's growing, and people are starting to move. Now a singer steps up to the mike, puts out some blues that two more singers turn to gospel, harmonies deep and wide that make you want to believe. Five more drummers slip their way into the spaces, two guitars, another bass, a single trumpet line, simple and urgent, and those singers are swelling up, they're filling the groove to bursting, and just when nobody can take another second, they break it open in an explosion of horns and keyboards and shouting strings. The people open up their throats and sing, and everybody screams and throws their hands in the air, they're falling in and stomping it down, sweating and throwing back their heads until they are bound together, band and dancers, into a single thing, and this is a party not even the Hand of the Righteous could stop, it is loud and large and full of joy; and then Wendell steps into the room.

Become a successful Internet Celebrity, Author and Motivational Speaker all in one shot!

2009-04-17T12:48:00.003-05:00

While dozing on a plane in a Hypnogogic state when I had a revelation:

How to become a successful Internet Celebrity, Author and Motivational Speaker all in one shot! And I'm giving it to you because I'm too lazy to do it myself.

1. Find "your thing". In this case it is becoming "Captain Cake Man" The foundation is this: It's obvious that death and tragedy can come at any time in any place without warning...but so can cake. Of the two, I'd take cake.

2. Do your thing: "Captain Cake Man" can start small. Go to the bakery at a grocery store, and just buy a regular low priced cake. It doesn't matter what kind, just make it big enough to feed at least 10 people or so.

3. Brand your thing: Design a logo, get a website and a special email address. Print it up on some stickers and stick them on your cake box.

4. Hitting the bricks: Every couple of days, buy a cake, slap a sticker on it, pick an office building at random and give them a cake. Don't tell them about the death thing, because will weird them out, but instead tell them that "Cake Happens, or I'm Captain Cake Man, that's what I do."

5. Document your thing: Take pictures and movies of you delivering the cake. Post them on your website. If you get a chance, start meeting people and talking to them. Ask them if there's anything they've done to make people happy. Keep their emails. Collect stories. This will become a full time vocation, so don't half-ass it. Nobody likes a half-ass Personality. Do not besmirch the Captain Cake Man image. Remember, it takes a while to become an overnight success, but it is possible if you keep it up.

6. Eventually someone will notice you and you will start getting a lot of attention. Keep it up. Keep collecting stories and photos. And when you get enough you be able to publish a book like the Post Secret Guy. Perhaps you can quit your job and make your own cakes with your own logo decoration. Soon you will have enough stories and photos to go on a speaking tour about commiting Random Acts of Cakeness.

7. Profit? I sure hope so because it's an awesome idea that is bound to be successful. Go forth, Good Luck and Happy Caking.

Definately some trading going on in the Nü Economy

2009-03-18T21:34:00.004-05:00

I walked out of the house tonight with a bag of books to give away, a Jerry Garcia Figure to loan out. I came home with a 10 lb bag of rice, transporting some DVDs between one guy and my neighbors, which I swapped out for a book loan.

This weekend I will be taking photos of this guy's paintings and helping him post them on Flickr because he lets me sit in on his painting sessions and gives me drive by art lessons.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to hook up a coworker with some freelance work, and another artist with a bar caricature gig.

Liz Lemmon & Alessandra

2009-03-15T19:43:00.001-05:00

Liz Lemmon & Alessandra
Originally uploaded by Cap'n Marrrrk

Liz Lemmon is only 5 or 6 weeks old. She's new out of the box. Here is the picture for reference.

Liz Lemmon the Hedgehog 1

2009-03-15T19:00:00.001-05:00

Liz Lemmon the Hedgehog 1
Originally uploaded by Cap'n Marrrrk

Porky Pig in The Wearing of The Grin

2009-03-13T07:22:00.000-05:00

A little something for you Irish Folk

9 second video that made us laugh

2009-03-11T17:14:00.002-05:00

Because kicking a small child in the bum is funny. We haven't watched the movie yet, but apparently he had it coming.

Coining a new word: Introducing SMUNK

2009-03-09T16:03:00.002-05:00

I'm coining a new word: Smunk n. sm(elly) (f)unk The disgusting odor of combined cooked foods in a communal lunchroom or cafeteria. Adj "this room smells smunky."

There's a reason why I only want to eat uncooked food at my desk. It's because my unventilated lunchroom smells smunky. When we first moved buildings (in which the entire first floor smelled smunky all the time), our lunchroom didn't reek, but then we began hiring new people for another department pushing us past the Smunkschild Radius which has created a permanent fog of foul miasma in that tiny room.

Throw some color at it.

2009-03-09T10:11:00.002-05:00

For those who don't have Twitter or facebook, here is a drawing I did of Alessandra during her modeling session this weekend. It was the first time I used color, and tried to draw larger.

Henryk the painter who was paying for Ale's time, is also coaching me to draw as large as possible.

So over all, while i don't think what I drew was "Good", I am happy with it for my skill level (which I would put at High School Sophomore)

Onwards and upwards

An amusing anecdote

2009-03-09T09:35:00.002-05:00

Last week or so Alessandra and I went to a book swap at her knitting pal Michelle's house. I offloaded a ton of books and only came home with two magazines and a bottle of blue hair dye for my beard.

So the following week, we were back at Michelle's for knitting (I of course was drawing) and it's fun for me because the girls are Geek Girls and we can talk about Lost, BSG & SciFi stuff. Michelle had a few boxes of left over books she was going to donate, so I went over to look at the boxes.

"Hey Mark, that box over there is just boring text books. All the fiction are in the boxes in front of you."

"Oh that's ok, I'll take a look at the text books." Shuffle, shuffle. "Heyyyyyy!" I hold up a copy of "The Long Road" (my self published novel) ->

Stammered apologies ensue, but I'm not insulted at all. Despite my friends, and wife's assurance that it's a good book, I think it's probably no better than a Fan Fiction.

"Of all the boxes I didn't want you going into, you had to go and look there."

I'm really not offended at all, but I am amused.

Dream on Little Man

2009-03-03T12:03:00.001-06:00

Spotted on North Carolina Craigslist:

Looking For Something to Look At: "Looking for a female to hang out in an apartment whilst wearing nothing but stockings and glasses like Charlie Sheen's in 'Major League'.

Must be comfortable with hanging out with a small group of guys while naked. Looking for a girl who can spend a few quality hours watching Lord of the Rings - Fellowship of the Ring, with us.

There is no compensation for this, as spending time in my presence is surely enough to cover your time spent.

Reply with pic/reason why I should pick you."

My response: Your presence is not enough. You need to play the lady. Which could, at 12 bucks an hour, get you a pretty hot figure drawing model if you played your cards right.

March comes in like a...

2009-03-01T15:19:00.000-06:00

Stupid NBC needs to post this on Hulu.com. John Belushi's March comes in like a bit, on Weekend Update from SNL in 1977. So by way of a clearly inferior method of comedic media delivery: here is the transcript. If you've ever seen it, just try and picture/hear it. To those who aren't...sorry.

Chevy Chase:
Last week we made the comment that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Now here to reply is our chief meteorologist, John Belushi, with a seasonal report.

John Belushi:
Thank you Chevy. Well, another winter is almost over and March true to form has come in like a lion, and hopefully will go out like a lamb. At least that's how March works here in the United States.

But did you know that March behaves differently in other countries? In Norway, for example, March comes in like a polar bear and goes out like a walrus. Or, take the case of Honduras where March comes in like a lamb and goes out like a salt marsh harvest mouse.

Let's compare this to the Maldive Islands where March comes in like a wildebeest and goes out like an ant. A tiny, little ant about this big.

[holds thumb and index fingers a small distance apart]

Unlike the Malay Peninsula where March comes in like a worm-eating fernbird and goes out like a worm-eating fernbird. In fact, their whole year is like a worm-eating fernbird.

Or consider the Republic of South Africa where March comes in like a lion and goes out like a different lion. Like one has a mane, and one doesn't have a mane. Or in certain parts of South America where March swims in like a sea otter, and then it slithers out like a giant anaconda.

There you can buy land real cheap, you know. And there's a country where March hops in like a kangaroo, and stays a kangaroo for a while, and then it becomes a slightly smaller kangaroo. Then, then, then for a couple of days it's sort of a cross between a, a frilled lizard and a common house cat.

[Chevy Chase tries to interrupt him]

Wait wait wait wait. Then it changes back into a smaller kangaroo, and then it goes out like a, like a wild dingo. Now, now, and it's not Australia! Now, now, you'd think it would be Australia, but it's not!

[Chevy Chase tries to interrupt him]

Now look, pal! I know a country where March comes in like an emu and goes out like a tapir. And they don't even know what it means! All right? Now listen, there are nine different countries, where March comes in like a frog, and goes out like a golden retriever. But that- that's not the weird part! No, no, the weird part is, is the frog. The frog- The weird part is-

[has seizure and falls off chair]

Why can't we be friends?

2009-03-01T08:02:00.004-06:00

I'm pretty hot & cold about Facebook. Like what appears to be most of America, I have a profile there, but I don't Poke or join groups, causes, send plants to save the rain forest, or any of that shit. I pretty much just comment on my friend's status and lose at Scrabble.

So why am I there? Really I have no clue. I already have my own "corner of the web" here at NTM, and I already post my microposts at Twitter. Then a weird thing happened, after being friended by friends, acquaintances and former coworkers, I started getting friended by people with whom I went to grade school and high school. You don't have to reciprocate, but I figure if you're taking the time to push the button and say Hi, I'm willing to let you into as much of my life as I mostly post online (which is actually quite alot). If I say something that offends you, well, then, you'd don't have to follow me.

Here's a story:
Growing up I was a very lonely kid and was filled with a constant longing for friends and good times like those found in McDonald's Commercials. "Good Friends, Good Times" kind of crap going all the way to early grade school. Only twice in my life up until college did I discover that girls liked me: once in junior high, once in senior high, and because they were not "the popular girls" that I crushed on and was rejected by again and again, I shit on them.
What actually happened was this: when I found out that a girl liked me, I was overcome by anxiety and fear, THEN I shit on them, and said mean things to them to make them go away. No wonder my mom thought I was gay.

I blocked a lot of high school out of my memory. Again, most of it was filled with unfulfilled longings, constant rejections and occasional beatings (not like those of today, but more of a jostling, occasionally put in wrestling move kind of thing). But one thing I do remember was being very mean to Laura M, who I heard liked me at some point.

Laura M was a girl who rode my bus, who was pretty but not in a popular clique. She was very quiet and of Native American decent. So when I found out that she liked me, I slagged on her very hard using such terms as "Redskin" and "Squaw." I think I made her cry.

Much to my surprise, 24+ years later, she friended me on Facebook, and I sat there for a minute or thinking to myself, "Really? Now what?"

I believe that we carry every hurt and misdeed with us our entire lives. I'd say the same for kindness, but at the time of this writing, I don't feel it, though I'm open to being wrong. Much like Marley, in "A Christmas Carol" we wear the chains we forged in this life, and the fact that I remember being so mean, I think, says something. And after 24 years, I made a sincere apology for being a dick back then.

I don't know if I scratched at an old forgotten wound on her, and restabbed her, but since I choose to believe it's still with her (as it was with me), I hope that it brings a tiny sense of relief. And as much as I think Facebook is an awful shopping mall of a social network, I think it has the potential to brink that sort of relief to many more people, and I makes me wonder what kind of world would it be if we can all finally get rid of the the emotional ghosts of our pasts.

The Web Cam is On

2009-02-23T08:58:00.000-06:00

The Web Cam is open. Tits, drums, music & floats from Carnaval in Rio http://is.gd/ktUy InfoDump: http://is.gd/ktUZ We'll try to keep in on all night.

Smut Week

2009-02-16T10:39:00.003-06:00

Wow, what a past week of smut and norm transgressions.

Tuesday: Who is Annie Sprinkle?

It only seemed fitting that the talk was held in a dimly-lit basement multipurpose room called The Gargoyle (formerly The Rathskeller)

Annie Sprinkle Ph.D., former porn star, Feminist Pornographer, Artist and Sex Goddess was giving a talk as part of Washington University's Sex Week.

It was basically her boilerplate talk of "The Life of Annie Sprinkle": How a regular girl happened to work at a concession stand of a movie theater showing "Deep Throat", discovered she liked sex and made a career out of it: porn films, plays in which she opens up her vagina to audience inspection of her cervix, Sacred Goddess Exploration Porn...the works.

It made for an interesting talk. I consider Annie a Counter Cultural Hero of mine who share the list with Timothy Leary, Terrence McKenna, Robert Anton Wilson, and I love the fact that she isn't just coasting on her past productions, and old stories as part of her talk. She continues to make art the coolest of which was a photo exhibit of her getting a cancerous tumor removed from her breast, then a montage of she and her lover shaving each other's heads as she went on Chemo.

Q&A was brief but interesting, thought it was an evening well spent.

Interview with Annie in Mavericks of The Mind

Saturday Night: Naughti Gras

Alessandra and I put on some costumes and went to go look at some erotic art with some 2000 people.

Sunday: Alessandra accompanies me to Dr Sketchy's Anti Art School

So I can try to draw Pole Dancing Duo Gravity Plays Favorites

Click link for more photos.

You know, when all was said and done, I didn't anything we did was smutty or transgressive, but other people will...and there you go.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it

2009-02-12T13:51:00.003-06:00

This mean Valentine was included in a big stack that a friend bought on e-bay for part of a big craft project. She holds these parties where you come and make valentines for your loved ones, but none ever uses this one as it's base.

Shitload of Stairway

2009-02-10T15:28:00.008-06:00

Hi...How are you? ☺? Good, Good. Here comes lots of Stairway to Heaven. OK? OK. ♫ http://blip.fm/~246tz I listened to them all...so should you.

Spanish Guitar Stairway To Heaven ♫ http://blip.fm/~246w1

Added by request: Dread Zeppelin's version of ♫ Stairway To Heaven.

Tiny Tim & Brave Combo sing Stairway to Heaven ♫ http://blip.fm/~246xj

What happens when you combine the B52s & Led Zeppelin? Rock Lobsters doing Stairway to Heaven. Not to be missed, ♫ http://blip.fm/~246z0

A down & dirty Stairway to Heaven ♫ http://blip.fm/~24720

Oh Dolly, I so love your boobs...I mean your version of Stairway to Heaven. ♫ http://blip.fm/~2473m

I don't know what style this is, but this Stairway to Heaven has an accordion and bubble pop sound. ♫ http://blip.fm/~2475p

Who is Millish? I don't know, but they have a incredibly strong Stairway to Heaven. ♫ http://blip.fm/~2479r

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale a tale of fateful trip on the Stairway to Heaven! ♫ http://blip.fm/~247b5

Pardon Me Boys swings the Big Band fuck out of Stairway to Heaven. Where's me Zoot Suit? ♫ http://blip.fm/~247fs

The 1963 Beatles successfully travel in time to 1971 and back again to "write" Stairway to Heaven before Zeppelin. ♫ http://blip.fm/~247l4

What do a Tuba, Banjo & Trumpet have in common? They rock the shit out out of Stairway To Heaven in ways you never imagined ♫ http://blip.fm/~247te

Numbers Game

2009-02-07T07:41:00.006-06:00

This is something that came to mind last night as I was drifting off to sleep. I don't ever think about numbers so I thought this would make a fun post to how I relate to and see certain numbers.

0 Something representing nothing or a power of 10. How versatile is that?

1 Is both the loneliest number and the most crowded when we are unified. Uni = 1

2 Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one.

3 Is a Magic Number. I don't know why one would say "I'm the third wheel" when accompanying a couple out for the evening. A 3rd wheel forms a tricycle and stabilizes the bike. Triva Fact: That idiom is not used in Brazil. According to Alessandra that person is said to be "holding the candle", which is a lot more sensual and to the point.

4 Used to be my favorite number, but now I find it rather boring with pointy corners because all I see is a square or trapezoid.

5 Mach Fuckin' 5! Chok, chok, chok... I still haven't seen the Speed Racer Movie.

6 One 1/2 of "Box Cars", the number of Brady kids (minus cousin Oliver) and to me generally a boring number. Just kind of there.

7 Supposed to be a lucky number. Hmmm. What does Cat Yronwode have to say?

8 Octopus, so wondrous and alien. I love them even at they give me the Willies Brings to mind hex #2f2f7d.

9 "If you talk about destructionnnn, don't you know that you can count me out (in)" Nine is a delightfully wonky number. It just seems "off" to me, but in a friendly way. Comes across in warm colors, and seems round.

10 "9, 10 a big fat hen". I think of 10 as an egg. Maybe it's because of the zero at the end. But is 10 a small hen's egg or full like an ostrich? I don't know. Right now I see an egg floating in space but pregnant with potential. I know that should be zero, but as of this writing, that's how 10 feels to me.

13 Highly over rated. I feel that #13 is that Goth kid with the Hot Topics clothing, starved for attention. Not like I've never been there myself, but still, I think 13 is a showboater. A generally nice number who occasionally needs a smack in the back of the head to keep it grounded.

First technically not a number, but a position. But how many firsts do you remember. First Kiss, First Fuck, First Car, First Concert...what about the little firsts? Last week for the first time I bought a fat red pepper at the store during lunch, cleaned it at office and ate it. First time ever...weird. It was a great pepper btw.

42 What you get when you multiply 6 x 9?

23 Oh you wacky Discordians how I ScrunkTheFlattoons you.

What number am I thinking of?

69 DUDE!

x because it's the "unknown"

This One Time...

2009-02-06T10:24:00.002-06:00

I fell into a trash compactor while it was compacting. I was 16, working at Benihana's as a dishwasher on an early evening trash run. I was stomping down some boxes on a platform loading compactor when I fell in, with the top half sticking out of the hole, the piston slowly closing.

At the Time I thought it was just a sliding door that closed on the platform while the ram smashed boxes. I didn't know the door was the piston.

Luckily for me, my coworker Mark had come with me that day to grab a smoke before the rush, and hit the emergency stop. I would have either been crushed or cut in half.

This was a story that came to me while thinking of my 25 Random Things about me I'd been tagged with at Facebook.

Yes, I'm using Facebook, but to be honest I think it's totally lame. Everyday I'm hit with little green sprouts or beads. Really, I think the whole thing is bullshit. It's a shitty design with a shitty non-intuitive interface...it's a mall that sports a Kmart as an anchor store.

Maybe I'm not using it correctly, but using it feels empty...I don't like but I'm there anyway. Go figure.

The Long Over Due Post

2009-02-02T09:32:00.003-06:00

I hate January and February, they are like Death Months for me, at the bitter cold end of the earth. So I haven't felt like writing anything here, especially since I started using Twitter, which I must admit rocks! And to my knowledge, I know at there are at least 37 people who are following me, so they are forced to read my thoughts, as well as my friends on facebook because my Tweets are linked to my profile.

That said, what now? What's been going on? What have I been up to? Etc.

I began taking Bikram Yoga classes at the behest of a Sports Medicine Doctor in order to strengthen up and evenly work my muscles which I unbalanced in Boot Camp.

Bikram Yoga...fucking A, is probably the most brutal thing I've ever done to my body. I took my first class and thought, "Man, this is hellishly hot." But then I decided to take their suggestion and try at least 10 times in a month.

Yesterday afternoon I finished my 8th class and decided, "Fuck this. I am NOT going to buy another class." of the last 5 classes, I was only able to complete 1 entire class without being overwhelmed by the heat, and that was because it was the second class of the day and the room wasn't up to full temperature. Even with proper hydration, and and empty belly, I was ready to barf up some liquid acid, so I just lay there on my mat waiting for the cool air to hit me when I walked out the door.

I don't know if most participants know the biology and psychology of working in such a hot room. Not only does the heat detoxify your system, but it's also the same sort of extreme mental conditioning that allows you enter altered psychological states for the purposes of vision questing and spiritual seeking. Think about it, it has the potential to totally break down the ego. Extreme heat + stress positions = torture.

As I was laying there yesterday with my blood boiling, and my heart racing, I thought. "Dude, I would admit to anything if I were kept in this temperature for any length of time." and I had water!

While I enjoy the heated yoga, I'm going to go down the street to another place where the temperature is only 85 Degrees instead of 105-ish, and see how that goes.

Meanwhile, still drawing, but last weekend Alessandra posed for an artist friend for 3 hours and here are some pictures of the unfinished work. Click photo to see more

It would be criminal NOT to post this

2008-12-31T10:25:00.001-06:00

via Neat-O-Rama

Spread 'Em

2008-12-27T10:41:00.000-06:00

I received a subscription to NetFlix for Xmas, and while Ale and I were looking though titles she said,"There are a lot of legs on these movie posters." She has quite the laser eye, nothing gets past her. And looking it up, sure enough it's a tradition that's gone back over 60 years.

PRINT Magazine - One Leg Leads to Another

like the phenomenon of the retweet, I discovered this is a pick up from Boing Boing last May

Eatha Kitt 1927-2008

2008-12-25T17:04:00.002-06:00

Forget "Santa Baby", "I Wanna Be Evil" is where it's at.

Obituary at Cnn

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Kid

2008-12-25T16:56:00.001-06:00

My Nephew Ben says he wants "An official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time"

Happy Holidays from the Plattners

2008-12-22T12:02:00.002-06:00

From
Alessandra, Cap'n Marrrrk, Xuxa, Tala, Lola, HypnoFrog & Kiff Kroaker.

An Awesome Book! by Dallas Clayton

2008-12-22T11:33:00.000-06:00

Which is a reminder of a couple of brain farts:

1. I don't like romantic comedies, and I don't like Christmas Movies (Christmas Story excepted), but I think Love Actually is a great movie, that was well done and leaves me uncustomarily warm and fuzzy.

2. Saying "clang, clang, clang" will transport my memory back to an 8th Grade Pageant where I had my only stage singing performance in a celebration of the 1904 Worlds Fair.

Clang, clang, clang went the trolley,
Ding, Ding, Ding went the bell.
Zing, Zing, Zing went my heart strings.
Me: From the moment I saw her I fell.

That was it.

Hanukka Fail

2008-12-20T08:27:00.001-06:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

Your Toes Demand Orgasms

2008-12-17T14:24:00.002-06:00

Alessandra found this ad in a magazine and she pointed out to me that these items are the very same items found in her nightstand; given to her by Dr. Lily Munster P.h. D, from Good Vibrations Adult Movies and Products.

*Footnote: Ramona - Offical YogaToes foot model.

Shrine to Bettie Page

2008-12-11T22:18:00.004-06:00

A very pretty website and movie

2008-12-09T22:12:00.000-06:00

As you know, here at NTM! I'm not very pro-advertising. But earlier this week Alessandra found an ad for
Kraft - The Tale of the Magical Crackers in some Food magazine we get. The artwork was incredible, and it's the same style at the website which contains a very spiffy looking 3d animation.

I hate to say it, but I'd really like to work on a project that was visually NEATO though you can bet (like all advertising and marketing) it would be a HUUUUUGE pain in the ass. At least though, you'd have a cool one for your book.

Saturnalia

2008-12-09T15:05:00.000-06:00

NC-17 This comic contains nudity, cartoon sex, and historical factoids which might be considered blasphemous to certain religions. If such things disturb you, you probably shouldn't watch this.

Saturnalia - watch more funny videos

I've posted this link every year since I started NTM, but much to my disappointment the e-sheep domain is no longer active.

Luckily for us though The Interweb Remembers Everything, so sit down boys and girls and learn the real meaning of Christmas.

A couple of pics

2008-12-08T15:50:00.004-06:00

Here in the year 2008 you can exercise with your distant sister via Magic Talking Thinkbox while a cat watches you

How Old?

Real Baby or Fake?
The answer will surprise you.

Real

Babbles and other things

2008-12-05T10:27:00.004-06:00

Another week has flown past and I am condensing my thoughts of the week into a flowing stream of a post as my brain sputters and farts a staccato beat.

Welcome Howard and Jeff from the past. 18 years has it been? Nearly so. Welcome to NTM.

I've set wheels in motion. Perhaps the seeds will bear a pomegranate fruit
(mixed metaphor)

It comes as no surprise that I love Poi Dog Pondering. In fact, Alessandra has standing orders to play them for me should I go into a coma, or something like that.

Now I actually had fantasies years ago that she would actually get them to play in the hospital to wake me up, but now I'm just being ridiculous.

It turns out that an old friend (who found me FaceBook), actually did go into a coma and was unconscious: "Chas kept me in the world by playing Poi in my ear day & night in an ICU ward for 5 weeks."

So there you go.

That said, it came as a shock the other day when I discovered that for a mere 2k that you can get Frank, the lead singer, and 3 other members to come and play in your living room. Of course, for less you can get two members, but trust me, it's an exponentially diminished experience.

Or instead, for a much less expensive evening, Frank will come downand cook dinner for you and your friends.

Now, I don't know about you, but I don't have 2k to blow on a private concert. And I'm sure the local fans I know wouldn't want to spend the dough. However I know a family in Cleveland consisting of 3 generations of Poi Dog fans (thanks to me), who MAY be willing to combine and pool resources (along with a chip-in from me) to pull this off. Mary-Helen is working hard to spread the word and reel-in the fish. More as this develops (or not)

Crazy-Ass/Beautiful, Brilliant Weird Mindfuck of a Movie
Synecdoche, New York

A theater director wins a grant and decides to put on a play about "Real Life" as his body is breaking down. Written and directed by Charlie Kaufman of Being John Malkovich. This one is far weirder. I highly recommend it.

Say what?

Being on the computer 85% of my waking day has trashed my already shaky communication skills, so whilst stumbling around I found a personal communication course, which I am now taking. First rules: Fucking Pay Attention to the World Around You. That's pretty simple, ne? Nope, it's a learned behavior that has to be worked with. But because I'm working hard to become a visual artist, it is a skill that will work for me.

Are you going to work in those clothes
I have 2 pairs of Gap quilt-lined cargo pants that I wear nearly every day of Winter, and have for the past 5 years or so. They are so played it's not even funny. This Summer I told Alessandra I would only wear them around the house. I love them, and they are the most comfortable clothing I own. They are the only things that stop me from going on a Winter Kill Spree, but they are so hole-y that they are almost unwearable. And certainly not to the office. BUT because it is cold outside right now, and all I do is sit on my ass all day (where the hole that's not on the seams is) I'm afraid the answer will have to be...YES.

A picture of a cat that isn't mine

Today is Friday and I'm still employed
I wonder how long this recession will go on and how will it effect me and Alessandra.

Gonna Go Now
I started this post this morning and it's now 2pm. Time to go. Tonight we are having holding a Boba Happy Hour where the drink of choice for everyone but me and kids will be White Russians (boba style). It is another attempt at me dragging my birthday out for another day. Wheeeee!

Wanna buy one?

2008-12-04T18:49:00.002-06:00

Psst! Hey buddy, do you have any nude pictures of your wife?

No. I mean I do but I'm not gonna tell you that.

Wanna buy one?

Alvin, who is in my drawing group, held a gallery exhibit Tuesday Night and we went to support him and see what he's been up to when he isn't drawing here. One of the paintings was of Alessandra, who was our model last session. Wait, what? Yeah, Alessandra was posing nude in our living room to a group of men who were drawing her.

It was a nice framed oil pastel so we bought it.

Look at us...big shot art owners. Ooooo-weeeee-oooooooooo!

Give your loved one the gift of abortion...

2008-12-04T11:45:00.000-06:00

So think about giving a gift of health this year. And if by chance you have already bought and wrapped that beautiful pearl necklace or designer watch- there's always New Year's Eve to think about...

Gift certificates can be purchased in denominations of $10, $25 and $50 at any Planned Parenthood of Illinois Health Center beginning Monday December 8th, 2008.

Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates

As you can imagine, some people are rather alarmed by this:

Baptist Press - Planned Parenthood offers gift certificates - News with a Christian Perspective: "The certificates also can be redeemed to help pay for abortions, the Associated Press reported, though a Planned Parenthood spokeswoman doubted certificates would be given for such a reason. 'I certainly don't think anyone would consider giving it for that purpose,' Kate Shepherd said, according to AP.

That assertion from Planned Parenthood was neither reassuring nor comforting for pro-life advocates.

The new gift certificates 'represent a brazen and ill-disguised effort to package abortion as a gift,' wrote Southern Baptist Theological Seminary President R. Albert Mohler Jr. on his weblog Dec. 3.

They 'have been called 'tasteless,' but a better description of these gift certificates is deadly,' Mohler said. 'There is every reason to believe that some babies will have their lives ended by means of these gift certificates.

'The Culture of Death creeps forward all around us.'

Leaving 42, Entering 43

2008-12-03T09:47:00.002-06:00

But, I still refer to myself as 42 (and .25 days as its still morning).

42...the magic number, but for some reason 43 also appeals to me because it has an odd feeling to it. Angular yellow and pointy. Maybe because it's prime.

Anyway, me and Alessandra have taken the day off of work, and we are now going to the art museum after having a waffle breakfast. Then we will have lunch and go see Synecdoche (a Charlie Kaufman film), followed by some house tidying then a nude figure drawing session with the beautiful/hot tattooed woman from my Boot Camp.

Gotta go. Adventure awaits!

Henry the 8th Hard at Work on the Monday After Thanksgiving

2008-12-01T12:40:00.002-06:00

I'm not supposed to eat at my desk, but it's cold so it doesn't stink up the room. Shhhhh!

The Camera is closed for the evening

2008-11-27T19:22:00.001-06:00

Movie still going. Oh Gollum, you're such a douchebag.

Platts Cam is Open Today

2008-11-27T10:36:00.000-06:00

Network Camera

Today is our 3rd annual Lord of the Rings Marathon. It's funny, though it's been a year since we watched it last, it still feels like I watched it last week.

It's one of the 3 laziest days of the year for us and we are opening up the catcam to the public if you feel like popping in for a visit in between familial obligations.

Meanwhile, take a lesson from Sir Ian McKellen on acting.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Why I hate corporate culture #2

2008-11-25T10:20:00.000-06:00

Nap time is frowned upon.

Sleep: Napping Boosts Sophisticated Memory, Study Shows

The Secret of Comedy.

2008-11-23T18:21:00.003-06:00

The Scene:

I am at my in-laws farm figure drawing a nude woman from my computer. My father in law Harvey comes over and looks over my shoulder.

Harv: That looks like a difficult figure to draw. It twists her torso around.

Me: Yeah I could have probably picked an easier one to draw.

Harv: They're beautiful when they're shaved.

Me (mentally): Oh shit, not again (remembers earlier this year when Harvey found my digital porn). Says nothing.

Harv: The Pussy. When the pussy is shaved.

Me: Ahahahahahaah! Yeah Harv, I got that.

Happy 45 Anniversary JFK Assassination

2008-11-22T08:11:00.002-06:00

Here is stand up comedian/god Bill Hicks discussing it.

This is also a reminder to me, to keep my eyes open for the next administration. Government does not always have your best interests at heart. It's the continuing perpetuation of the system (political and finiancial) and it's own power base that is the main mandate of any government, no matter what the talking heads say.

That's what I believe today, though I wouldn't mind being proven wrong.

Craming it all in

2008-11-21T12:54:00.003-06:00

A weeks worth of tiny posts, microblogs and stuff into one post, as well as as other interests crammed into one afternoon.

I'll start at random with an empathic "sorry" my friend "JR" who got laid off today. Very sorry to hear that. Fucking sucks. I hope this doesn't impact you for long. I know the feeling of dread and awfulness that accompanies this. You have to go through the entire death process with it.

With the economy being what it is, I wonder how long it will be until Alessandra or I get hit. My company took a huge hit in the 3rd quarter in net income. I hope they can weather the storm. We all got anniversary pins yesterday from the founders who traveled from office to office shaking hands and awarding us pins for service.

Yesterday felt so much like a Friday, I was outraged that it wasn't I decided to take a sick day in which I spent most of the morning running errands. Now by 1pm I have the cat on my lap, the webcam fixed (if you're interested in watching), but I can't get to my Bubble Tea.

Boba! I tried the experiment Alessandra found on line with store bought tapioca perals, last weekend but they sucked. So I looked it up on-line and bought commercial boba. Shipping was hideously expensive so I bought more to make up for it. It turns out that they ship from Hawaii! This morning on The Today Show, Suze Orman was yelling, "You've got to save money. Stop buying things on your credit card" but I dare say she doesn't have a jones for bubble tea. I made the boba and it is perfect, just like the place on The Loop that I love so much.

Just out of reach, damn you lap cat. You're too damn cute to move.

Other things. The other day I was driving home from work with a head full of snot, just bummed out and trapped in traffic. The local classic rock station was playing Magic Power by Triumph. "I'm young now, I'm wild now, I want to be free..." I loved this song when I was in my mid-teens. Back when I though all Rock n Rollers had to sing in the high octaves like Geddy Lee. My brief desire to be singer was extinguished by an inability to hit the high notes (or sing in key) with this song. But I remember the high this song used to give me because I was in fact full of youthful piss and vinegar. Here I am in stop and go traffic at age 41, not feeling too magic powerey. Luckily I have an awesome life, or I would have been superbummed out. There's the irony of life right there. Growing old and dying while the songs of your youth play on the radio, forever young. You answer to Life, The Universe and Everything all in one crystal moment. The gestalt of infinite humor right there... 42 indeed.

The next song was "Hang Fire" by the Rolling Stones. I hadn't heard the song in years. I was transported back to a bar/restaurant in Minocqua, WS. Getting drunk and playing Black Knight Pinball to this song. Over and over again, lost in my inability to connect with the other counselors at Summer Camp. So while everyone else laughed and played pool, I played pinball and tried to psychically merge with the machine to give me bonus free games.

FYI: The Boba is perrrrrrfect.

Who are you?
I tell a lot of people that I'm teaching myself to draw. Whether I'm good or not is irrelevant (not really, I am getting better, just slowly). But I don't say I'm an Artist. I've been asked several times if I'm an artist, followed usually by, "I can't draw worth a damn." Really, who cares? I couldn't either, but I decided to work at it. I don't want to hear about your limitations. Give yourself a few years to try and get good. I'm only just beginning my second year drawing. I tried guitar for 3 years, but I didn't get good enough to suit me, so I switched. I never say, "I couldn't do it." I just say, "I didn't seem to improve, although I surely must have."

Which reminds me. On artists: When Alessandra and I were at an Art Fair at Disney World last week. The tents were split into two sections. Fine Art and Folk Art. While talking to some of the fine artists, they seemed kind of "attitude-y" and no one was really talking with the other people in the other tents. But in the Folk Art, the atmosphere seemed kind of Rock n Roll. A much more casual friendly vibe. But that's just my perception.

Blah, blah, blah. Time to Post, so I can go about my business of goofing around.

Clown vs Mime

2008-11-17T10:18:00.001-06:00

These videos at Laughing Squid show me why San Francisco is awesome and St. Louis is Lame

Rim Shot Please...

2008-11-15T13:15:00.002-06:00

A real conversation.

My wife calls her period "Chico" (she-co). Chico's on his way, Chico is here. Etc. I ask her, does Chico mean anything is it a name and if so why does it have a male ending.

"Chico because he's a pain the ass and an annoyance," she says.

"Oh then," I say. I'm going to call these sores on my penis, "Chica" because they're weepy and bleed once a month.

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.

Actual answer. Chico is regional for Sao Paulo. I don't know where "Aunt Flow" comes from but I didn't hear that term until a few years ago.

Caribbean Cruise 2008

2008-11-13T15:08:00.001-06:00

The only thing better than looking at someone else's Party Pics is looking at their vacation photos! But here you are, will you click the link or not?

The above photo was taken in Cozumel while we puttered around 20' down on little personal submarine scooters. Sure we didn't see many fish because we were near a dead reef 500 feet from our ship, and it moved at a Granny pace. We were living The Abyss. Unfortunately I couldn't get close enough to Alessandra to try sound conductive transfer like I'd read in so many SF books, so we had to be content to laugh maniacally to ourselves. Note to self...buy a couple if I get rich, these things rock!

Halloween2008

2008-11-13T13:33:00.000-06:00

Who doesn't like looking at pictures of people you don't know at a party you didn't go to?

I would totally eat these

2008-11-13T12:53:00.002-06:00

especially if they were red.

Buy one Here

...And a Dollar Short

2008-11-13T08:37:00.003-06:00

I meant to do this yesterday when I heard it while driving into work, then I saw something shiny.

Happy Belated Birthday to Neil Young

Keep on Rockin' in the Free World indeed!

Beddy, Beddy Interesting

2008-11-11T14:55:00.000-06:00

How to Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci - wikiHow

Cruise Part II: Bacon every day, while tasty is bad for you.

2008-11-11T12:54:00.000-06:00

In case you didn't know it, cruise ships are giant fattening pens. I would swear that the fat couple in the suite next door were kidnapped and served to me the next day as a steak.

The weird part is this: At any time of day, if I wanted to, I could eat, but for some reason having a 24/7 buffet is like food magic. Everyone on ship worships the Holy Self Serve Soft Serve Machine, and as soon as it's open until it closes, there is a line of happy people. Every time I get one, I get the brain freeze.

Waffles in the afternoon? Awesome! Room Service, No Charge. Afternoon finger sandwiches and pastries, yep it's all there. While most of the buffet is pretty standard, and occasionally surprisingly nasty (hot dogs, hamburgers and pizza no better than High School Cafeteria quality), The main dinner, every night was outstanding.

Our waiters worked their asses off for their end of cruise tips. For all their bustling speed to refill your water, or bring you bread, they were always cheerful with a smile and a joke, while working an early and late dinner seatings.

Don't be fooled though. If you ever see a gourmet menu that says, "Golden Delicious Apple Soup" just remember, that it's glorified apple sauce. Here I was thinking I was being adventurous and it was just fucking applesauce. Escargot btw...snails. Tasty, tasty snails (eaten for the first time by me)

Since the kitchen works it's ass off to make an estimated number of dishes, not everyone shows up to their appointed dinner time choosing instead to go to the buffet for some retarded reason, the waiters would bring us extra plates of unordered food. So when I didn't like my lamb, I had an instant replacement. The only downside of dinner was that the dining room was designed to put me to sleep. You have low lighting, and a piano playing old standards (and in one case Journey's Faithfully). If I had any money I'd go over to them and throw em a wad of cash like Rodney Dangerfeild in Caddyshack and tell em to spice it up.

Don't get me started on desert. Just know that there is a limit to the amount of chocolate I can eat, and it has been reached. On the other hand, all non-chocolate deserts were equally delicious.

You are seated at a table with strangers for the week, and by the time you leave, you are strangers no longer. Luckily for us, all our table mates were young and pleasant to talk to. Get this: they laughed at my jokes (I know), maybe they were lightly retarded. Two of the couples were newlyweds, that weekend, the other 2 years, so that made me and Ale the Old Married Couple. But we didn't try to impart any "wisdom" instead we fucked with them by trying to get to the table first so we could take their seats and force them to shift around. Clever eh? Perhaps we should have tried to short sheet their beds too.

Feeling Irie Mon

Remember kids, if you want an authentic cultural experience, do not take a cruise. All you see is facade, and a poor one at that. You have to voluntarily turn off your brain and your eye. Perhaps thats why people drink so much on the cruise.

At each of your ports you get to either leave the boat or stay on. So you can plan your excursions to while away the time.

Our first stop was Haiti. Yes Haiti, one of the most fucked up countries on earth.. Royal Caribbean has rented a cove and some land to build some bars and some zip lines for their guests. You are surrounded by water and giant walls, as Ale pointed out, "You are inside Jurassic Park.

There the natives try to sell you their native crafts and drinks on the beach. It's an odd feeling. We left the walls to go to up a hill and ride an really fun zip line. 500' vertical, 2500' horizontal run over the water, but on the way up we pass a group of natives sitting by the side of the road breaking large rocks into small rocks with standard hammers for the exterior of the restaurant being built inside the park.

In Jamaica we do another zip line, but this time through the jungle canopy. We see no exotic birds, or monkeys. It's just trees. On the way up the mountain our tour guide Ana Marie tells us this: There are three things you need know what to say while in Jamaica, "Yeah Mon, No Problems and Irie (great)" So on the way, the Hogs practice saying them over and over again to my minor annoyance. Cap'n Whitey don't feel comfortable speaking native.

When we get to the excursion location I am pleased to notice how professional the native guides are with their equipment, especially telling when they ask me not to apply by bug spray near the nylon harnesses because it will damage the nylon.

Walking to the first platform I notice my guide talking in 3 voices. The first is when I ask him how he's doing and instead of saying, "Irie Mon" he says, "I'm doing well thank you." But then as he calls out to the Hogs to see if they are doing ok on the slippery path and they respond, "No Problem Mon!" he calls out back to them in Kind. It sounds like he's playing a role. Of course with his buddies he's talking rapid fire patois mix of french and english. None of the guides on the platforms talk Rasta English to me when I ask how they are doing and what's up. Here is the only place I'm willing to voluntarily fist bump anyone when they say, "How bout some respect?"

This is after US Election day. The Jamaicans are incredibly jubilant Obama won, and we share in that happiness.

Grand Cayman, you know that place where all that money that was stolen from you is secretly hidden? Our snorkel is canceled and rather than snorkel 50' from a cruise ship as replacement we opt instead for a 100' submarine dive.

This is very cool even though we hardly see any interesting fish. Stupid fish. Rumor has it there was a sea turtle by I was looking in the wrong place. A barracuda was spotted on the starboard side, but I missed that too because I was on the port side. I'd love to be a sub mariner on my own mini sub.

Cozumel: Underwater Scooter Diving. More on this later. As previously mentioned, I bonked my head on coral rock while snorkeling. Luckily for me, it was dead or I would have far worse than a scrape on me head. As it is, it's long enough to have to let my hair grow out while it heals so I don't keep tearing the scab off. Hindsight makes it frightening when I realize that I could have involuntarily taken a double lung of water then drowned. That would have sucked, ne?

We don't leave the port area, pursuing the shops. They are each and everyone identical. Later we hear the onboard comedian make his only funny joke: Nothing like taking a half a billion dollar boat to a garage sale." His other jokes are so bad we walk out while he is doing get this: The Wizard of Oz starring Woody Allen, Christopher Walken and Robert De Niro as the Cowardly Lion. Really, he stooped to Di Niro impressions.

The Wonderful World Of

After the cruise Alessandra and I rented a car in Orlando go spin off to Downtown Disney so Ale could get a breaded steak at Gloria Estefan's restaurant Bongos. It's weird. If you don't really plan for it or get your head in that particular game, going to a Disney property is even more surreal than it normally is. There was an art and crafts fair going on, so we saw a lot of laughably bad and/or tacky art.

One vendor was interesting though. He does photo collage ("but I haven't gone digital"), and he made one recently of Obama which he super imposed over the Constitution and highlighted, "All Men are Created Equal". He discovered that people were either very moved, and in some cases to tears, or really put off by it. He was hanging around his stall with a camera hoping to catch that elusive shot. He told us that the Disney Grapevine was working full force because employees were coming by to buy him out of his smaller prints.

To kill some time between breakfast and what would obviously be supper, we took in a movie. Zack & Miri Make a Porno. We thought it was both funny & good while being tickled that this was showing on a Disney Property. The last movie we watched at that particular theatre was Fight Club. After our dinner we went back to the airport to await our long, sad flight home.

Photo highlights to follow

Repost: Gay is the new nigger

2008-11-11T11:23:00.000-06:00

After watching Keith Olbermann's comment about Prop 8 in California Olbermann: Gay marriage is a question of love I remembered I had posted this back in July 04.

Bush Presses Case Against Gay Marriage

"If courts create their own arbitrary definition of marriage as a mere legal contract, and cut marriage off from its cultural, religious and natural roots, then the meaning of marriage is lost and the institution is weakened."

Bush singled out Massachusetts' Supreme Judicial Court, which called marriage an evolving paradigm. "That sends a message to the next generation that marriage has no enduring meaning, and that ages of moral teaching and human experience have nothing to teach us about this institution," he said.

The president urged the House and Senate to send to the states for ratification an amendment that defines marriage in the United States as a union of a man and woman as husband and wife. Article

Mr. President, I have nothing but contempt for you.

Divorce rates are around 50% and you are talking about the Sancity of Marriage?

You want to change the U.S. Constitution to make the definition of Marriage between Man and Woman? Why don't you skip the middle man and just call Homosexuals "Uppity Niggers?" because you would be writing discrimination back into the foundation of our country.

You sir are a horrible man.

And, I might add, a lowly snake seeking to draw fire away from your failure as President in your losing War on Terror, your shattering of the American reputation abroad, and the public's attention to deaths of nearly 1000 Americans in your ill-planned campaign to remove the threat of an attack from Iraq (which apparently was never going to happen).

You seek to divide the Nation on spiritual matters which have no place in government, stripping away a chance at Happiness for millions of Americans thus relagating them to the back of the bus as second class citizens without "...inaliable rights to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness"

And those bleating sheep who are our elected Senators and Representative roll over exposing their soft, white underbellies for fear of undermining their own re-election chances, those witless masses who wave their little American flags at your rallies supporting you without question, and your Evangelical Horde of Fundies, had all damn well better consider the Casting of Stones, as I am sure that anyone one of them who have been divorced and/or remarried or committed adultery (confession or no) have no fucking leg to stand on and should rethink the sturdiness of their moral high ground.

"My Pet Goat" indeed Mr. President. History will show YOU to be the goat.

Come November, you are going down Charlie Brown!

Ok, so 4 years later he's going down...

I agree with this guy

On the eve of the first black president, we still don't allow gays to marry. What utter bullshit.

I didn't have land sickness yesterday, so why today? Cruise Part I

2008-11-10T12:26:00.003-06:00

7 Days and 5 Pounds Lighter Ago We left the day after our Halloween Party with only 3 hrs sleep.

Alessandra and I took the bus from Orlando Airport to Port Canaveral, home of the Royal Caribbean ship Mariner of the Sea henceforth referred to as BFS (Big Fucking Ship). There are lots of specs on line for BFS, but just know that it's 1000+ feet long and over 14 stories tall, contains an ice rink (and attendant Zamboini), water purifiers/desalinators, and all sorts of stuff (including a Scrabble game with an extra X and a few more B's than the standard set) for your amusement, and was the largest ship in port.

Driving up to it was like the camera doing a "glory" shot of the Enterprise in any of the Star Trek movies. You look at it, and it's huge! How can this thing even float? Oh yeah, Buoyancy. Still though...

Of course your basic entry level cabin is tiny, but in this instance it's cozy and comfortable. A Queen Size bed, a little standing room and a bathroom. It was fine for your needs. The best thing is, since it was an inside cabin, it had no windows, therefore near total darkness!

I won't really describe the interior because that too can be found here.

The ride was very bumpy because we were ahead of Hurricane Paloma, then we circled around. We had 3 or so days of 10' waves. After swallowing the free sea sickness pills. I enjoyed the up and down, side to side because it felt like a thrill ride. Ale and I tried to do a Boot Camp in the fitness center, so it was very weird to do pushups where you are lighter than your weight because you are falling off the wave, then heavier because you are being pushed up. We were not able to get another work out in because the only time we could get it in was between Mid-Afternoon Snack and Nap Time.

Hogs on the High Seas

We shared the cruise with 1600+ members of the Harley Owners Group (HOGs) and their bi-annual Hogs on the High Seas Rally. At first Ale and I were like, "Oh shit." but that's what happens when you have broad generalization. Life usually sticks it in your face...so there you go. While their bodies occupied most of the ship, their presence was a generally light footprint. All their wild parties were held off-shore at our destinations. We stopped by one at Margaritaville in Jamaica, and it was a full-on rowdy bacchanalia. For a very brief moment, very brief, I wished I still drank so I could get wild. Then it went away. I saw a woman we met a breakfast one morning, on the ground with her legs back behind her shoulders showing a street contortionist how it's done. Coming back to the ship, it was the first time I'd every seen a group of people fall uphill before. It was quite amusing. If there were any drunken orgies going on in the cabins, I sure didn't hear anything. The walls are well soundproofed.

Harley people sure do love their Harleywear. At every port, they rushed to the local Harley outlet to pick up more gear. Like Deadheads, it's a symbol that you are a member of the tribe. Brother Outlaws. I wondered how easy it would be (not for me, but for someone more smooth) to infiltrate the Hogs without ever owning a motorcycle. I saw a guy who appeared to be a total Hipster Nerd (with a Hot Rod Toaster Tattoo which represents his Scion XP) there with a wrist band. So I could physically fit in...How would I look in a leather Slash Top Hat?

On "Formal Night" all the Hogs were wearing their finest leather finery. Most of them did bring additional costumes and 70's night and Pirate Night found the Promenade crawling with elaborately costumed characters.

I was hoping for some amusing Hog anecdotes, but I didn't go to their parties, so I only have a few. Most of the Hogs thought I was one due to my baldness and beard. Like an anthropologist I noticed that the Hog men tend NOT to have the mullets I first believed, but were mostly a bald mustached/beard culture. Most of the men we met had facial hair of some sort.

The Hogs had raised enough money prior to the trip to provide onboardKidney Dialysis for 12 patients. During the cruise, through auctions and raffles they raised over $100,000!. I snuck (aka walked) into one of the nightly raffle drawings and saw a woman donate $1000 of casino winnings on the spot. How cool is that?

More to come...

Back in the Midwest...

2008-11-09T22:14:00.002-06:00

We just arrived tonight to a cold night and a dead battery in the lot. I'll process and report soon. Here's the nutshell: A very bumpy ride. We dodged Hurricane Paloma, met some nice people, ate, slept for shit, ate a lot, 1600 well behaved bikers on board, ate, bonked my head on some dead coral, watched Zac & Miri Make a Porno while on Disney Property, then ate big. Itinerary: Labadee, Haiti, Ocho Rio, Jamaica, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Orlando.

Talker's Soon

OOT!

2008-11-02T01:02:00.000-05:00

Photo 132
Originally uploaded by Cap'n Marrrrk

OOT! I never get to use OOT! OOT! is 4/5 of WOOT! if you count the exclamation point

I will be out of town this week on my very first cruise. As you can see, I am very excited! Check back from time to time. Perhaps I will have post or a Tweet.

Until then

Otto the octopus wrecks havoc - Telegraph

2008-10-31T21:05:00.000-05:00

Otto the octopus wrecks havoc

"We knew that he was bored as the aquarium is closed for winter, and at two feet, seven inches Otto had discovered he was big enough to swing onto the edge of his tank and shoot out a the 2000 Watt spot light above him with a carefully directed jet of water.'

Coo-hoo-hool!

Happy Plattner-ween

2008-10-31T08:52:00.003-05:00

Click photo for slide show

One day left before my vacation and I am wearing my Disco Suit to the office today. Hopefully it will net me another $50 costume prize. The vintage platform shoes alone should do it for me.

Anyway here is a link to a slide show of all our Halloween Costumes over the years (since 1994). If you want to see what our party guests wore or just like looking at party pics you can go to our main site here.

And a quick tribute to my father who "passed" on this day in 1996. I miss you and wonder occasionally wonder which phase of the friendly or fighting cycle we'd be in now or what you'd think of me at age 41. I'm glad we were in the friendly phase when you died.

Drawings 10.29.08

2008-10-29T20:57:00.002-05:00

Some drawings by me done tonight. They aren't really supposed to look like people yet. They are synthetic forms showing gesture, action and mass. I'm clearly not ashamed of them due to the fact I'm posting this.

OMG! I am KILLED with cuteness

2008-10-28T15:19:00.002-05:00

Click the photo for more. I can't STAND it! That chimp looks soooo happy how can I help but anthropomorphize?

via TBK via-Stumbleupon.com

Using the Middle Eye

2008-10-27T09:44:00.003-05:00

Speaking of eyes...I've been pondering this post for about a week or so and I was listening to NPR this weekend when I heard something interesting that moved it forward.

The speaker was a woman talking about language and infants. She said that because most babies are cradled with the left arm, it muffles the right ear and leaves the left ear exposed which connects to the right hemisphere which deals with language: intonation/accentuation, prosody, pragmatic, contextual (wiki) blah blah. (http://www.wpr.org/book/071104b.html segment 1)

This reminded of how I've been trying to view the world, which is with left eye dominance.

How do you move through the world? For those that don't know, you can willfully shift your attention. This attention is part of the active "you", and is guidable to all manner of different levels.

For example: Alessandra moves through the world looking out through her eyes. She actively, visually engages with the world. She's a sharp one for details. Like last night when she noticed the boobs of the stunt woman for Sarah Michelle Geller were vastly larger than Buffy's.

I, on the other hand, tend to move through focused on my inner eye. The world is engaged secondarily after it's processed through my own internal narrative. As a result I'm very clumsy. My attention watches movies through a secondary or tertiary layer of observation. This is good if you're a writer, but not so hot if you want to want to be a visual artist.

I have no idea why I want to be a visual artist. I can think of 3 points in my life where I was overcome with a visually creative drive, but lacking proper guidance and/or discipline, it didn't go anywhere. Rumor has it that I'm a good writer, but I think I want to stay out of my brain for while.

I have many years to go before I would consider myself competent. My first task is to learn to see the world more completely then marry that to my hand (which is goddamned difficult). I'm currently in the process of feeding my brain, by trying to focus my attention through my eyes (and subsequently my left eye for all the good it will do me). As well as filling up the tanks on other people's art.

I almost weep at the detail in images like this, and the best I can do when I see this is just open up the eye and let it all pour in for later analysis.

This has led to some stellar dreams, but it's still not the reason for this post.

The point of the post is to talk about what I call the Middle Eye. Maybe once or twice, at night. I've closed my eyes and watched pictures form themselves across the insides of my eyelids. It gives the feeling of looking through the eyes but without the analytical qualities of pulling back into the head, or drifting down into sleep. It also feels like you are peering into another world.

So this is a call for you to try and look through your middle eye. Close your eyes and look at the images without judgment and without comment, but with the intention to recall them later or to investigate the details but not allow yourself to fall deeper into your mind or to sleep.

This is very different from meditation wherein the idea is to look at the images dispassionately then move on to 1 point of focus. Here the goal is to watch the slideshow!

I'll let you know if anything more interesting happens, like the ability to freeze an image and investigate the slide with more detail without an inner monologue.

This just in: As I write this perhaps the Middle Eye slide is the visual/symbolic monologue from the Right Hemisphere?

Anyway, check it out and report back to me.

You hear stories

2008-10-26T01:41:00.003-05:00

about torture. And if you are a human male, very likely wonder, "I wonder if I can take it it. Could I be man enough not to break?"

Then you get soap in your eye while showering after an incredibly smokey party. When you are done crying, drooling and grinding your teeth, you know the answer.

No fucking way.

I need this on it's own sound chip to carry around

2008-10-24T13:28:00.000-05:00

Sad Trombone

Life is a series of events

2008-10-24T12:09:00.003-05:00

Still Drawing
Alessandra has joined in going to Boot Camp
I can now do at least 5 pull ups with impunity and think I look pretty good naked.
Work is Very Boring.
I'm going on my first cruise Nov 2 to the Western Caribbean and I'm very excited.
We are almost through Season 3 of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
I am reading The Forever War by Joe Haldeman
Our 9th annual Halloween Party is Sat Nov 1, but I have a party to go to this weekend as well.

And Im wondering why the hell nobody I know is watching:

You can download Season 1 Here if you know anything about bittorrent.

You should watch it. It's great.

Barally

2008-10-18T19:35:00.004-05:00

Yay! My first post at NTM:

So today I attended my first political rally. Not only that, but I do believe it was a historical event and I was very happy to be part of it.

Being a newly naturalized citizen, I feel empowered by the choice of being able to pick the next president. I sure hope he wins!

100,000 people showed up on a beautiful day under the St. Louis Arch. Obama spoke for 40 minutes inspiring all with his words of CHANGES and plans for the future. The man is uber intelligent and very charismatic.

GOBAMA!

What is your color IQ?

2008-10-18T16:37:00.000-05:00

Arrange the chips in spectral hue order.
I got an 8 which is really good for my age range, (but not perfect). Better than I expected, worse than I hoped.

My Favorite Moment from Last Night's Debate

2008-10-16T13:17:00.002-05:00

John McCain's face at :37

Smug, Smug, Smug...WHAT?

What do you think he was writing? I'll bet it was, "Calm, calm, calm"

The Real Joe Sixpack: Sarah Palin's Core Constituency

2008-10-15T21:36:00.002-05:00

Found and broadcast by Al Jazeera. I mean, this wouldn't make us look bad to the rest of the world would it?

Alessandra Votes

2008-10-13T12:27:00.001-05:00

Since she's been naturalized, Alessandra is a first time Presidential Election Voter. She's filling out an Absentee Ballot. Doesn't she look adorable in pig tails?

I wonder who she voted for.

Ahhhhh. Thank you for participating in the 2008 Presidential Election.

Things and Stuff

2008-10-13T09:19:00.006-05:00

Mirthday 2008

Alessandra surprised me with a Mirthday on Saturday! There was a card, cake, gift, waffles and Roller Derby. Click the photo so see the flicker set. (For those Alessandra Fans, sorry, we forgot to take pictures of us that day, so they are all of my gooney mug.)

Vacation Plans

With the economy in the dumper what better thing to do than blow your hard earned cash on a vacation? Sure it's not fiscally prudent, but I haven't had a real vacation in 4 fucking years (let alone a paid vacation), so I am jumping on it.

The question is where do I want to go? I've never been to New York. But that takes too much planning. I mean, I'm not an eater, drinker or shopper. Museums are cool as is Broadway, but still.

Family & Friends on the West Coast? What do we do when everyone is at work or school?

Screw it. We are taking a cruise. Its all booked and our credit card company customer points is footing most of bill. All we need is air fare and island excursions and we are set. The trip is all booked. We are going to be pale, (but polite) gringos in the Western Caribbean in early November.

Aww shit! We'll be gone on Election Day. No fear. A quick fax to the election board and we got our Absentee Ballots within 2 days. We have already voted, but are waiting for Tuesday to send them in.

Guess who we voted for?

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

We caught up on the last 5 episodes this weekend. I know I've mentioned the show before, but it's so goddamned funny I just can't stand it. It's one of the few shows that make me gasp for air from laughing so hard.

Do these images make sense? No? Then you should either put it in your Netflix Queue or watch at least half of the episodes here at Hulu.com

Awe man. I'm fighting off hysterics just making this post.

The Big Penis Book

Alessandra and I have time before I get my allergy shot and we are Borders. We are looking at art books and I see the spine to The Big Penis Book of course I'm curious. A big book of Penises? "Hey Ale, check it out."

It's fairly sizable volume, but it turned out the book was The Big Penis Book as opposed to The Big Penis Book.

I told Alessandra I wanted to go home and cry.

Happy 9th Anniversary to Us.

2008-10-09T09:29:00.003-05:00

I can't think of anyone I'd rather walk Life's Road with than my lovely Alessandra Bianca. SQUEEE! W00T! and YAHOOOOOO! 14 Years together. Who woulda thunk it?

love

Love

LOVE!

How was this even found?

2008-10-07T14:05:00.003-05:00

Lip reader watching debate: "Did she just say "My Pussy's so hot?"

Friend/Spouse: Are you smoking crack?

LRWD: No really I swear, go back. She just said "My Pussy's so hot. With an orgasm face!"

Great Losses of the Twenty-First Century

2008-10-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

We're in an age where it seems as if anything could be possible. We have gently swushing sidewalks that move us in airports, instant communication across miles at the touch of a button or slight voice prompt, gadgets in our kitchens that replace hours of manual labor, and roaring vehicles that dash from one point to the next with reliability and comfort. We have a seemingly limitless supply of information at our whim and wish- on everything from underwater microbiology to the worship practices of ancient cultures we'll never need to know about. This is truly a Golden Age of progress, technology, and learning. We have medical advances that people never dreamed of, and the medicine goes far beyond mere bodily function and crosses into matters of the mind and soul, it seems.

Yet somehow, in the midst of all of this, mankind is regressing. Not all, of course, but I look at the progresses we've made in learning and education and wonder where things went wrong for many industrialized nations, especially the USA and UK. I've compiled a list of the things that I feel our society is losing grip of, abstract things that need to be found and tagged and set on a museum shelf for future generations to ponder..."

The Urban Rebellion: Great Losses of the Twenty-First Century

I'm not going to call John McCain a "sociopathic, inhuman monster", but you'll come to that conclusion when you read...

2008-10-02T19:35:00.001-05:00

this totally one sided but thoroughly researched from the public record article in
Rolling Stone

Sure it's a reused photo from earlier this week, but it still makes me laugh.

Why aren't YOU watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on Hulu?

Cannabis less harmful than drinking, smoking: report

2008-10-02T11:28:00.000-05:00

LONDON (AFP) - Cannabis is less harmful than alcohol or tobacco, according to a report by a research charity Thursday, which called for a 'serious rethink' of drug policy.

The Beckley Foundation, a charity which numbers senior experts and other academics among its advisors, said banning cannabis has no impact on supply and turns users into criminals.

'Although cannabis can have a negative impact on health, including mental health, in terms of relative harms it is considerably less harmful than alcohol or tobacco,' says the report by the Foundation's Global Cannabis Commission."

How do you visualize this year and time in general?

2008-10-02T08:09:00.003-05:00

For some reason 1973 stands out in my memory. Not because of the events that occurred like the Oil Crisis, Watergate, Yom Kippur War, but because of how I felt at the time. I was 7 years old, but that year felt like it was clouded by a dark yellow mustard gas. That's how it felt and that's how I picture it today when I think 1973. Dark, yellow mustard cloud.

When 1974 rolled around, it felt as though a breeze came in and blew away the gas, the sky became blue again. Perhaps this is why the number 4 was my lucky number for a long time. The events of 1974? Don't know, don't remember. I just think of freshness.

Likewise when I look back on the last 8 years of the Bush Presidency, all I see is a dark cloud covering my mental image of America (which is indistinct). As I think I mentioned elsewhere, when I think about the upcoming election, all I see in my minds eye are two shapeless forces fighting tooth and nail for dominance. It goes beyond a visualization to one my brain can actually feel. The tension and ideological desperation is there like a physical presense.

So how do you picture time? My yearly calendar has the most visualization. Picture a circular clock, now tilt it backwards 45 degrees so 12 is on an upwards slope. Now squeeze in the sides so that it forms an oval. Remove the numbers. October falls into the 2:00 space, November falls in 1: December at 12. My year rotates counterclockwise. Now the colors. Of course this quadrant is yellow and orange but these months feel dark and crazy. The closer I get to the end of the year, the the crazier and "slipperier" the year feels. December to March are blue, brown, cold with an overlay of bleak and despair. Deep cold, deep despair. Spring Months are new green shoots at 9 o'clock, cold but hopeful awakening. May, June & July are full on-green until August when the green becomes dry and brown. June is the bottom of the hill before the trudge back uphill, but I like how after the first of the year, as bleak as things are, there is a subtle coasting downhill until you start to speed up at March.

My monthly calendar is virtually non-existent. Since I have no big picture of the month and what numbers fall on what days it only appears as a pop up, or zoom in on the yearly calendar.

My week operates like my yearly calendar. It is an oval but weird crowding. Saturday is at 12 o'clock. Sunday is at 9 and Monday drops in at 6. Wed at 3 with the sensation of walking up hill. So while everyone calls Wed, "Hump Day" for me there is no downhill run, even though the steepness of the hill is lessened.

Daily is nearly a wash. Even though all my time is told digital, I picture it all as analog, though I couldn't tell you what my clock looks like, what fonts are used or what the numbers and hands look like. I guess the closest would be the school clock, but I don't look at it that closely.

How do you see things?

Still the neatest place in St. Louis, but mannnnnnn

2008-09-29T10:18:00.003-05:00

For those newcomers to NTM, I've posted the link here before to the handsdown coolest place to visit in St. Louis The City Museum. It is an old shoe factory that that has been taken over and turned into a warren of tunnels and mazes which contains both a bar and a performing circus, is open until 1 am on weekends, has live music, crazy-ass slides, one of which is a 5 story helix slide which leaves one dizzy when you hit bottom.

Read More about it here

Anyway, I love, love, LOVE the place, but I went on Saturday with my 9 year old niece who blew through the tunnels like they were mist, and with in minutes I was totally battered and contused. People: I felt OLD and that shit I do not like. I have to ask what good is going to Boot Camp, slimming down, boosting my cardio and then saying, "Oh shit, this is NOT as fun I as I want it to be"? I think I'll blame my joints and bones. 99% percent of the tunnels have cement floors. The others are steel mesh. Perhaps I need to add some sort of yoga, or I can just blame the cement.

Comments comments?

2008-09-26T12:30:00.003-05:00

As pointed out to me by B.E. Earl, I have two comment apps going and I didn't recall that I had set it up a few years ago before blogger fixed their comments which allowed lots of spam through.

So I apologize to people who commented and got no response because I was not alerted to their posts.

I'm going to fix this today.

By her own tongue will she hang.

2008-09-25T14:58:00.000-05:00

You know what happens next?

2008-09-25T09:01:00.002-05:00

and then...

I have to admit McCain's grandstanding announcement yesterday alarmed me because I feared the media and the those sections of the American Public I call "stupid" would fall for it, but it looks like it's going to blow up in his face.

Me likes it if it happens.

12 Vintage Cigarette Ads They Would Never Get Away with Now

2008-09-24T10:26:00.001-05:00

12 Vintage Cigarette Ads They Would Never Get Away with Now

That baby looks like my niece.

Dark chocolate: Half a bar per week to keep at bay the risk of heart attack

2008-09-24T09:52:00.000-05:00

Dark chocolate: Half a bar per week to keep at bay the risk of heart attack. Though the news is still good for them: 6.7 grams of chocolate per day represent the ideal amount for a protective effect against inflammation and subsequent cardiovascular disease.

A new effect, demonstrated for the first time in a population study by the Research Laboratories of the Catholic University in Campobasso, in collaboration with the National Cancer Institute of Milan.

The findings, published in the last issue of the Journal of Nutrition, official journal of the American So-ciety of Nutrition, come from one of the largest epidemiological studies ever conducted in Europe, the Moli-sani Project, which has enrolled 20,000 inhabitants of the Molise region so far. By studying the participants recruited, researchers focused on the complex mechanism of inflammation. It is known how a chronic inflammatory state represents a risk factor for the development of cardiovascular disease, from myocardial infarction to stroke, just to mention the major diseases. Keeping the inflammation process un-der control has become a major issue for prevention programs and C reactive protein turned out to be one of the most promising markers, detectable by a simple blood test.

More

via Clifford Pickover's Tweet

Alessandra does Boot Camp

2008-09-24T09:24:00.002-05:00

In an amazing turn of events I have to crow about from the rooftop of my tiny blog, Alessandra suggested last night that she come to my weekly boot camp to see how it goes.

Luckily for her though, there was no official boot camp going that night, but I still took her through the park and ran her through the boot camp "as if".

She did great though I'm pretty sure it busted her ass. We ran and kicked tennis balls while holding weights. Then we did push ups, triceps jump ups, a sprint. Abs came next followed by walking lunges and run back to base.

I hope that come tomorrow her body doesn't cramp up and cry bloody murder. While boot camp can be hard, the turn around to fit is fairly rapid.

So congratulations Alessandra!

6 Brainwashing Techniques They're Using On You Right Now

2008-09-23T10:57:00.000-05:00

...our brain rewards us for being closed-minded dicks

Fantastic article disguised as comedy. A must read.

Agnonstic's Prayer

2008-09-23T08:59:00.000-05:00

I just finished rereading Creatures of Light and Darkness by Roger Zelazny, and every time I do I want to post The Agnostic's Prayer because it tickles me, but I'm always too lazy to type it out. This time I just found it online instead.

Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen.

Title: "Funny Awesome" or "Smack a Gypsy"

2008-09-19T13:52:00.005-05:00

Stevie's favourite musical instrument enhanced with artwork inspired by the Lady herself! These artworks are created on a 10" tambourine with plastic 'skin' on which the images are rendered. These are created on order, and the examples you see on this page are not for sale. You can order your very own tambourine, with you favorite image! Price: $187.00 for a tambourine with one portrait (Stevie, yourself, your friend, etc.

Followup: Brass Knuckle Mugs. Now Available in US

2008-09-17T22:25:00.003-05:00

I blogged this back in May and logged it on Stumble Upon. The Company that makes these emailed everyone who "liked" it that it was now available in the US, so I thought I'd pass it on.

Palin linked electoral success to prayer of Kenyan witchhunter

2008-09-17T13:44:00.001-05:00

The pastor whose prayer Sarah Palin says helped her to become governor of Alaska founded his ministry with a witchhunt against a Kenyan woman who he accused of causing car accidents through demonic spells.

At a speech at the Wasilla Assembly of God on June 8 this year, Mrs Palin described how Thomas Muthee had laid his hands on her when he visited the church as a guest preacher in late 2005, prior to her successful gubernatorial bid.

In video footage of the speech, she is seen saying: “As I was mayor and Pastor Muthee was here and he was praying over me, and you know how he speaks and he’s so bold. And he was praying “Lord make a way, Lord make a way.”

“And I’m thinking, this guy’s really bold, he doesn’t even know what I’m going to do, he doesn’t know what my plans are. And he’s praying not “oh Lord if it be your will may she become governor,” no, he just prayed for it. He said “Lord make a way and let her do this next step. And that’s exactly what happened.”

She then adds: “So, again, very very powerful, coming from this church,” before the presiding pastor comments on the “prophetic power” of the event.

An African evangelist, Pastor Muthee has given guest sermons at the Wasilla Assembly of God on at least 10 occasions in his role as the founder of the Word of Faith Church, also known as the Prayer Cave.

Pastor Muthee founded the Prayer Cave in 1989 in Kiambu, Kenya after “God spoke” to him and his late wife Margaret and called him to the country, according to the church’s website.

The pastor speaks of his offensive against a demonic presence in the town in a trailer for the evangelical video “Transformations”, made by Sentinel Group, a Christian research and information agency.

“We prayed, we fasted, the Lord showed us a spirit of witchcraft resting over the place,” Pastor Muthee says.

After the spirit was broken, the crime rate dropped to almost zero and there was “explosive church growth” while almost every bar in the town closed down, the video says.

The full Transformations video featuring Pastor Muthee’s story has recently been removed from YouTube but the rest of the story is detailed in a 1999 article in the Christian Science Monitor, as well as on numerous evangelical websites.

According to the Christian Science Monitor, six months of fervent prayer and research identified the source of the witchcraft as a local woman called Mama Jane, who ran a “divination” centre called the Emmanuel Clinic.

Her alleged involvement in fortune-telling and the fact that she lived near the site of a number of fatal car accidents led Pastor Muthee to publicly declare her a witch responsible for the town’s ills, and order her to offer her up her soul for salvation or leave Kiambu.

Says the Monitor, “Muthee held a crusade that “brought about 200 people to Christ”.” They set up round-the-clock prayer intercession in the basement of a grocery store and eventually, says the pastor “the demonic influence – the ‘principality’ over Kiambu –was broken”, and Mama Jane fled the town.

According to accounts of the witchhunt circulated on evangelical websites such as Prayer Links Ministries, after Pastor Muthee declared Mama Jane a witch, the townspeople became suspicious and began to turn on her, demanding that she be stoned. Public outrage eventually led the police to raid her home, where they fired gunshots, killing a pet python which they believed to be a demon.

After Mama Jane was questioned by police – and released – she decided it was time to leave town, the account says.

Pastor Muthee has frequently referred to this witchhunt in his sermons as an example of the power of “spiritual warfare”. In October 2005, he delivered ten sermons at the Wasilla Assembly of God, the audio of which was available on the church’s website until it was removed around the time Mrs Palin’s candidacy was announced. The blog Irregular Times has listings and screen grabs of the sermons.

It was during that these sermons that Mrs Palin, who was then preparing for her gubernatorial run, was anointed by Pastor Muthee. His intercession, she says, was “awesome”.

Her June 8 speech was to mark the graduation of students from the Wasilla Assembly of God’s Masters’ Commission, which, as Pastor Ed Kalins explains, believes Alaska will be the refuge for American evangelicals upon the coming “End of Days”. After her speech, Mrs Palin was presented with an honorary Masters’ Commission diploma.

11 die during Congo 'witchcraft' soccer riot

2008-09-15T11:12:00.001-05:00

At least 11 people were killed in a stadium riot in eastern Congo after a soccer player tried to use witchcraft to win a local match, U.N.-backed Radio Okapi reported on Monday.

Nyuki club was losing to local rivals Socozaki on Sunday when Nyuki's goalkeeper advanced up the field and tried to use 'fetishist' spells to turn the tide of the match, Okapi said, without giving more details.

When a police commander tried to break up an ensuing brawl between rival players, members of the crowd pelted him with rocks, the radio added.

Police fired teargas in response, causing a stampede to the exits in which 11 people were killed and several injured, Okapi said.

As elsewhere in Africa, many Congolese hold traditional animist beliefs and use spells, fetishes and charms to practise witchcraft, often combined with other religions like Christianity or Islam.

Sunday's riot happened in Butembo, in North Kivu province, where fighting between the army and rebels has raged on despite the official end of a 1998-2003 war that has killed an estimated 5.4 million people through violence, hunger and disease."

I'm typing this on a computer powered by electricity. Magic think box holds bright sky fire Big JuJu!

via-ESPNsoccernet

Start a New Tradition

2008-09-15T09:09:00.007-05:00

This past Saturday I surprised Alessandra with "Alessandra Day" which was her Mirthday Day. Every year for the past 5 years or so Alessandra and I pick one random day out of the year to celebrate a Birthday Like day complete with Gift, Card and Cake with the added bonus of the recipient getting to call the shots all day long from favorite meal, to entertainment to saying, "Fuck the dishes today is my Mirthday." The only rule is this: the recipient must have no idea when it is! They wake up and BAM!

I idea of the Mirthday came from the year I asked my parents if we could celebrate my Birthday on June 3rd instead of December 3rd because I was tired of getting winter clothing as gifts and I would like to have a pool party at their house and invite my friends over, so they could meet them. Unfortunately, my Dad died before this occurred, and at some point Alessandra and I decided to invent Mark/Alessandra Day, but this year I realized it should be called Mirthday.

So here world, take it and run. Everyone should celebrate a Mirthday with their families. It's like winning the lottery.

Here's what we did for Ale's Mirthday. I cooked her her favorite meal, I brushed her hair, rubbed her feet, then we went to the Roller Derby and ate Ice Cream Cake from Dairy Queen.

A smaller tradition: In my nuclear unit, after the someone blows the candles our on a birthday or mirthday cake, we do the Hokey Pokey. Left arm, Right arm and Butt, because getting a room full of people to shake their butts all about, is a guaranteed laugh.

When mundane becomes marvelous

2008-09-13T08:28:00.007-05:00

Millions of people do it daily. I've never done it; not even considered doing it, and then I actually went out and did what for most people is a completely mundane experience.

If you would have told me up to a few days ago that I would go for a run in the park with a dog, I would have laughed in your face. I don't "run" and I don't even own a dog, yet there I was with two dogs.

Actual Dogs Used

Yesterday's boot camp was entitled "Run in the Park with Dogs." That's how. However, I was the only one who showed up (sans dogs). But, another woman RSVPed "Yes". Me meet at Teya the organizer's house, but she can't attend due to band practice, and she loads me up with her dogs. The other woman doesn't show, so it's me and the dogs. That's it, just me and the dogs. I was tempted to bail because I'm not a dog n run n park guy, but there they are leashed together. So I suck it up and go.

We ran about 5 miles around the park. I'm proud of myself because I hate running, but the dogs made the time go by. The most amusing thing (aside from the image of me, dogs and park) was when we came to a tree and one dog went left, the other dog went right and they bonked heads.

Overall I marvel at the whole experience because as mundane as it is for nearly everybody else, it's nothing I've done before, or even considered I'd do. And, as silly as it sounds running in the park w/ dogs is me actually extending my boundaries. And when you do something new for the first time, it's just that: New, and somehow the act putting all the pieces of "regular" together, can turn the mundane into the marvelous.