Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Don't Fuck With The Duck!

This Morning's Dream:

I am Donald Duck and Sasquatch has kidnapped my wife Daisy Duck (who I know is Alessandra).

He is on the run to an island off the coast of Alaska. All I have to stop him is gun that shoots water balloons. Which is ineffective.

For some reason Sasquatch decides to take a slow boat, while I take a plane.

I get to the island before Sasquatch and my wife. It is there that I discover that water balloons can freeze and my silly little plastic gun is an ice ball cannon.

Sasquatch is fucked as I fill him full of giant cartoon holes because I've loaded up my ice balls with rocks and frozen grapes. Daisyssandra is mine!

I wake up.

Why Donald Duck? I've discovered that I have a 2 day delay between when I observe something and when it arrives in my dreams. Because I am a lazy man, I have never gotten around to transporting the copy of The Life & Times of Scrooge McDuck from my nightstand to the bookshelf. It's been there for months. And occasionally while Alessandra is getting ready for bed, I page through it and marvel at the art work (which I did Saturday Night), as well as eat grapes and buy some frozen blueberries (which have a funky texture in the bag).

Errata: I munch a lot of ice (which probably figures into the dream as I've been eating a lot of Sonic ice, the best ice in the US) and I bit the tip of my tongue which now sports 2 little cankers on the tip. And they sting something fierce! Talking hurts, eating hurts, even sleeping hurts because I rasp my tongue across my teeth. I've been rinsing with peroxide and putting Zilactin-B on it. The B stands for Benzocaine. It protects and numbs my tongue for a bit, and coats it with some goo, but applying it is like sticking my tongue with a tack and/or splashing acid on it. I want to scream. I have no idea how on earth anyone could possibly live through a tongue bifurcation.

Keeping up my weirdness street cred
I discovered Sunday night that if I type "Say" into my Terminal on my mac that it will use a speech synthesizer. So I used it when I answered the phone when I got a call that night. Wouldn't you know it, it was a telemarketer! Unfortunately I didn't make it past, "She's not here right now" before they hung up. I would have like to carry on a conversation. Maybe next time.


I'm not a mac guy, so what do you mean by typing into your "Terminal"? I only ask because Gia has a mac and I would love to freak her out with some Stephen Hawkins dirty talk.
It's found under Applications>Utilities>Terminal

just type say (no quotes) and the sentence you want it to say.

Right now the voice is feminine though, so you may sound like a lesbian.

say hello, I am a bad little girl.

I foresee hours of fun. Or minutes at least. ;)
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