Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Dildos will always be dildos

Gas prices haven't put Hummers in park yet | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle

The Hummer, it would seem, does not just have fair-weather fans.

Even as gasoline prices tick continuously upward, Matthew Lee's affection for his Hummer H2 has not headed south.

He does feel a little stuck with it, though.

"The market on them has basically dried up," said Lee, a law student.

Lee is not planning on getting rid of his Hummer. But GM might be.

The automobile manufacturer announced Tuesday that it is considering revamping the brand or selling it. The news came out of an annual meeting in which the company's CEO also announced that the company would close four truck and SUV plants because of low sales and high gasoline prices.

Lee's Hummer is not the main family car, said the 25-year-old who lives downtown. He drives his Hummer about once a week, usually to shuttle his wife and friends out on the town for dinner. Mostly he and his wife carpool in her SUV.

When Lee bought the H2 in 2003, he knew it would eat gasoline. But even at about 10 mpg, it was doing better than the old pickup he had been driving, he said.

"It is a second car," Lee said. "It stays parked. We might as well hold onto it."

Indeed, there is probably not a gas price that would induce Robert Mielke and his wife, Dr. Theresa Honeycutt, to get rid of their Hummer H1, an SUV that is safe and has enough room to fit children and grandchildren.

"The overall economy would have to go into the dump before something like that would happen," Mielke said.

Auggie Mathis is probably the Hummer's No. 1 cheerleader. Mathis owns four himself, but he is also the Hummer sales manager for Ron Carter Hummer in Friendswood. Though sales of SUVs have dropped in the area, Mathis says, residents are still buying Hummers. He sold 65 to 70 in the past two months, he said.

"I cannot imagine not driving a Hummer," Mathis said. "I would cut back on other expenses before I would cut back on driving my truck."

For him, the Hummer offers tons of room for his family of six and enough sportiness for him to veer off road onto the beach or into the mountains.

Even Ramona Arnold gets the Hummer charm.

"It's a looker," she said.

But she's looking at the Hummer from inside her Smart Car.

Her tiny Mercedes-made car gets about 37 mpg in the city — and that's with air-conditioning and her admittedly lead foot.

The gas mileage alone makes her feel smart in her car, Arnold said. But she has also squeezed into the remnants of a parking spot, next to a Hummer that was hogging two.

" I felt real confident in my tiny car," she said.

My brother in law drives an Avalanche. He's a dildo who probably won't give up his Dildomobile either.

Just about every Hummer driver I see here on Long Island is a soccer mom.

Usually on her cell phone. Beh!
Women can be dildos too.

My sister (married to avalanche guy) drives a Yukon, Denali (13 rd/ 15-18 hwy). And she is ALWAYS on the cell phone.

It's way too much car for her needs. She doesn't care that the chances of her killing someone in an accident are greater because she has that metal crusher thing on the front of the car because "I'd rather have it be them than me and my children."

I love my sister, but sometimes she's a dick.
You could always do what this enterprising fellow did:
Sorry, newer link here:

The first was before it was complete...
I still want to make up bumper stickers that say "I heart Saudi Arabia" and slap one on every Hummer I see.
While I'm here, look at this:
Heyyyyy! that guy's everything visible sure looks like me.

ps I saw Poi Dog Pondering tonight. Fantastic show, will post a musical story tomorrow.
oh yeah, I forgot that I alread mentioned that I once knew them. Orrall, anyway.
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