Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Capn Marrrrk A-Z

I had to attend a company seminar yesterday about "Attitude". It was a complete waste of my time because actually I felt I could do more for the company if I was working on my project instead of sitting in a meeting wondering why all the cute girls there were single mothers under the age of 25.

How do I know this? Because we had to take 30 seconds to tell everyone things about ourself. The person who gave the most facts in that time won a company logoed teddy bear.

This made me think of a shopping list for myself which evolved into this post.

A- Alcoholic/Addict: sober 16 years. Alpha Male: I'm not.

B- Bald: I shave 2x a week and am cool with it. I look goooooood.

C-Computer: Upon which 85% of my waking time is spent for all my entertainment and education needs. Greatest thing ever.

D-Discworld: Sits on the back of 4 elephants who ride a giant turtle through space in 30+ books written by Terry Prachett my favorite author.

E-Enlightenment: Once sought in a New Agey way, now abandoned.

F-Fuck: My favorite word

G-God/Goddess: I used to pray my first 7 years in sobriety. Then I slowly became an atheist.

H-Hair: The Rock Opera sound track my father used to play constantly when i was younger which probably went a long way to warping my personality as a child, as did Hogan's Heroes (according to my Mom).

I-Ice Muncher: Unrepentant. I hear it's bad for your teeth.

J-Johnny Socko: My love of Science Fiction came from this Japanese show of a boy and his flying robot. Consequently, Johnny carried a gun, shot people and flew with a jet pack. How fucking cool is that?

K-Kiss: I once dated a girl who (I swear) could unhinge her jaw like a snake for 180 degrees of face-eating kissing. In 1976 KISS was also the first concert I ever attened. My wife is not Snake Girl but is indeed a great kisser.

L-Lexapro: Anti-depressant. Apparently I went undiagnosed with a General Anxiety Disorder for 28 years as well as having serious depression. Lexapro makes me feel much better.

M-Michael: Rumor has it this was to be my name, but my parents changed it at the last minute. Oddly enough I haven't felt like a Mark most of my life though I don't think Mike would fit. Subsequently all Marks with a K think all Marcs are total pussies, with only one exception, all Marcs I met were.

O-Orgasm: Global Orgasm Day

N-No Touch Monkey: Really, don't touch the fucking thing. They are filthy creatures.

P-Plattner's Modern Man: A clothing store aimed towards black men founded by my Grandfather in East St. Louis, then run into the ground by my Dad and Uncle. This resulted in the bank foreclosing on my father's house which put him outside on Oct 31 cleaning the pool for prospective buyers when he fell into the pool (jumped?) and drowned. Platypus, Plattapussy, Plattmuff, (Pattadick, Plattaclit) part of a song sung in fun, Pussner, Platta, Platts, Uncle Platts, Uncle P, P are all nicknames I've held over the years.

Q-Queen-They will Rock You! Also slang for homosexual which my mom thought I was during my teen years. To her credit, she had several gay friends and would have been cool with it had that been the case.

R-Rings, wedding: by Margaret Thede (mine's the one on the far left)

S-Strattera: Controls my ADHD which also went undiagnosed until last year. This accounts for the 35 jobs I've had since college. It grounds the fuck out of me and keeps me mostly on task. I love this stuff, it's magic.

T-Tracy: My sister whom I love, but is so different from me that communication is nearly impossible. Is married to and emotionally and mentally abusive tool.

U-Underwear: Fruit O' The Loom Boxer Briefs

V-Victory: I'm not a very competitive person, subsequently I lose a lot of games I play. I tried many sports and performed so poorly at them that I now believe organized sports are for suckers.

W-Wife: Alessandra. She's so awesome I should do an entire A to Z on her. Wheeeeee!

X-XXX Porn: I do indeed watch it. Alessandra doesn't care.

Y-Youth: I'm not as young anymore, where did the time go? My body is beginning to break down and it is beginning to bother me.

Z-Zeta Reticuli: My family once saw a UFO over a swanky mall in the County when I was young. It was a hovering row of lights that made no sound and changed colors a few times before disappearing.


Wow...lots of honest and important stuff in there. Impressive. I may have to steal this one day when I'm feeling even a little bit honest.
Favorite letters:

B = bald is cool

K = first album i bought was kiss

L = yep

M = for some reason I want to call you jimmy

U = totally hot, esp. if in colors (not white, too much like the homer)

X = Recommendations? I need something in between bow-chica-wawa and artsy-fartsy.

Y = my back hurts today, sigh
I can totally accept Jimmy! For a while I was called Sparky by my sister's friend's sister.

X= www.redtube.com/

y= must be gonna rain?
So why didn't you pick another name to have friends or whomever call you. It's fun,I have a few and Lois/Elle changes hers when she gets bored. What would you pick today?
hm... I don't see a jimmy. Def see the mike, though.

Lexepro is pretty cool, mines generic because I'm poor but all in all a good thing. I essentially had a doctor force me to take it because I swore up and down that I totally wasn't depressed.

Turns out she was right. And so was my boyfriend. So that kind of sucked, but for the most part it turned out to be a good deal.
sorry, beautiful: Welcome to NTM

ssss funny that you're still reading. I was just composing a response that said, "oh, there is PLENTY of chemical enhancement."

yay for enhancement!
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