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Friday, January 18, 2008

Dear Papa John

Your pizza is horrible. Eating one that has been freshly delivered is like chewing on a piece tomato-y cardboard. I won't deny that the top part is edible, but the soul of the pizza, the heart of the pizza eating experience is the crust, and yours is awful. Biting it, chewing it, and choking it down is akin to Charlie Chaplin eating his shoe in The Little Tramp.

I never eat your pizza because I think it sucks, the problem is, so much time passes in between facing your pie that I forget how bad the experience, and I think, "Man it can't be that bad." And invariably it is.

Sure I'm full, I was hungry, but at what cost?. WHAT COST. Much like a groupie getting backstage Motley Crue show: I'm bloated, dissatisfied and my jaw hurts.

Please do the world a favor and retire fat and happy to a private island somewhere and promise to never to inflict your pizza upon the world.

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