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Thursday, December 13, 2007

Viva la Weird

Imagine this

I am number 52 of 300+ people in line. We are waiting outside of a convention room filled with 1,300 lunching people who are here for the weekly company MLM signup rally. Many of us are wondering why we are in line, but we are all responding to a company wide email telling us we need to go down to the center and line up.

I know why we are there and after telling a few people in front and behind me in line, I dummy up because, talking leads to questions I can't answer and I hate talking out of my ass.

The line starts to move and we walk into a standing ovation of cheering people who high-five us as we walk around the perimeter of the room. As we get the introduction as the Best Employees on Earth, kind of thing. I'm not big on high-fives (but thankfully there were no fist bumps). I considered making a sandwich as we passed a buffet, but that would be crass as we were specifically told we would not be getting lunch here today.

Everyone finally comes rolling, and the company directors thank us all for our hard work over the course of the year, then they tell us that today is Christmas Bonus Day! Hooray! We get a X $s or each month we work for the company and this year...they are going to TRIPLE IT! I guess I can agree to clap for that, even though I don't dig big spectacles that don't involve rock music or burning men.

We are then called upon by name to walk across the stage and high five all the management team (3 of my 5 direct bosses are on stage) while Jock Jams is being played and again the crowd begins it's applause. There's now money involved, so you can high-five me all you want, though I did my best to turn them into handshakes (Thankfully again there were no fist bumps.)

Luckily for me, I was #52 though that means I was the 52nd most recent hire and I didn't have a lot of time in. So I got out pretty quickly, but I think I would have accepted all the Major Hoopla if I had a higher number.

You know, i've been saying for months, "Man I want to get an awesome tattoo, but I just don't have the money." And now that I have the money, I don't want to blow it on a tattoo. Damn it. I mean, I'm probably going to piss it away anyway, just not on some ink.

Still though, it was a pretty weird scene, which was cool because I live for weird. And weird where I get paid? Oh yeah baby, that's the best.

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