Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Haggard now "completely heterosexual"

Edited for hilarity:

DENVER - One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition.

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church that he founded years ago in his basement after Jones alleged Haggard paid him for sex and sometimes used methamphetamine when they were together. Haggard, who is married, has publicly admitted to "sexual immorality."

Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa. Oh please not Missouri.

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed.

It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work.

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It looks to me like solid proof that if you take meth while having gay sex, the gay just slides right off. Like fat on a hot teflon pan, apparently. The catch is that if you ever stop snorting the crank, the gay comes right back.

Or maybe it's solid demonstration of the curing power that the sight of your fat cash cow wandering away can provide.

I suppose it could be some miracle a bored god conjured up. If so, I gotta say... real funny, Eris. Mean, but funny.

Of course, I suppose we gotta go with the obvious: those guys think their followers are even stupider than I would have thought humanly possible. We'll see, I guess...
I think...that Haggard thought sucking cock would cure the gay. Have you ever seen him talk? He's a total flamer.

And yes, they do think their followers are stupid.
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