Sunday, January 28, 2007

3rd Person Return

The population is increasing. I know 6 pregnant women right now. Luckily none of them is my wife, but I digress. One of them has a co-worker who specializes in birth photos and this friend of ours went to his website to check out his prices. She was quite amused by the ad copy, which was forwarded to Alessandra->to me and subsequently posted here for comedy purposes. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but the 3rd Person delivery makes us laugh.

Bouncing Baby Basics: $250

Within 24 hours of your baby's birth (unless otherwise specified) William will photograph your growing family for 1-2 hours resulting in at least 25 images.

Caesarean Special: $650 + labor time

If you want to capture your baby's First Breath and your baby is scheduled to appear at a specific date and time because of a planned Caesarean Section or Inducement, the Caesarean Special is for you. William will meet with you prior to your baby's birth to discuss your birth plans and his role in them. William will document your arrival to the hospital, delivery preparations, the delivery, and up to 3 hours after the delivery while your baby meets your friends and family. You'll receive at least 100 images from the Caesarean Special. For induced labors, time in labor is billed at the reduced rate $30 an hour after the first hour (partial hours are rounded down!). If you go into labor prior to your scheduled date and time, the Caesarean Special automatically converts into a Pushing Party.

Pushing Party: $650 + labor time

William is on-call for you 24 hours a day. When you go into labor, call William and he'll rush to your side if he's available. Because of the unpredictability of labor, William will document your labor at the reduced rate of $30 an hour after the first hour (partial hours are rounded down!). After delivery, William will preserve 3 hours of your growing family's first moments together at no additional cost. You'll receive at least 100 images from a normal Pushing Party. However, because labor is so unpredictable, William may not be there for your baby's birth. If labor progresses rapidly, William might not arrive in time. If labor progresses slowly, William may have to leave for other pre-scheduled events. At the time of your call, William will inform you of any previously scheduled events to occur in the next 24 hours. In the unfortunate event that William is absent at the time of your baby's First Breath for either of these reasons, the cost for your Pushing Party will be reduced by $300.

Although Pushing Parties can be scheduled at 1 a.m. on the baby's birthday, we recommend that you schedule yours in advance so you have the opportunity to meet with William and discuss your birthing plans with him.

There is no way in hell I would have let someone take pictures of me in labour.... but now that it is all done... kinda wish I had.
Woensdag saw this a while back. There are plenty of people she wouldn't mind having around while she's in labor, but she's pretty sure they wouldn't charge her $250.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist tormenting you a bit more!)
you messed up.

There are plenty of people Woensdag wouldn't mind having around while Woensdag's in labor, but Woensdag's pretty sure they wouldn't charge Woensdag $250.
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