Sunday, December 18, 2005

Calendars: The Lamest Gift Ever

I'm sitting here at my in-laws farm in Rolla, MO, watching everyone clean up the remains of the Christmas tree, which fell over last night with a crash just as everyone was going to sleep. My father in law Harvey lives in middle of nowhere, and he sleeps with a gun in his his bedroom, just in case. However, he didn't here the tree take it's dive leading me to believe that he could have the entire house ripped off at night and never wake. Unless it happend at 4 am when he gets up. Then there would be trouble indeed.

It's already time for the gift round up because essentially our holidays are already over. Heh. I love the idea of getting it out of the way early. We have one more gift session to go, but it's on the 26th and I accidentially found my mom's gift to me hidden behind the coats in the basement office. Thanks Mama! It's a wonderful music stand, and I've already used it. I did well this year, with lots of gift certificates to the mall so I can buy some high end shoes for my walking comfort, book gift certificates to I can expand my mind, and a bike trainer so I can hook up my ride and get my sorry ass moving again. My Cardio sucks right now and I'm putting on the holiday weight.

This year Alessandra and I both received calendars for Christmas. How lame. In the interest of full disclosure, we also gave calendars this year, have done it in the past, and will do so again in the future. This year for Christmas at least 6 (maybe 7 or 8) were given around our family at one time. I saw Tractors, Cats, Optical Illusions, Daily Show, Simpsons, Landscapes. Amazing considering there were only 10 of us here.

I still think it's pretty lame though. Calendars say, "I couldn't think of anything better to give you, so I thought you might like count the days of your life." Or "I hardly know you and don't want to spend a lot of money on a gift for you. Next year I'm buying you a box of Post It Notes."

There are two kinds of calendars. Monthly and Day to Day. If you get the monthly one, you only get 12 pictures of the topic someone thinks you are interested in be it swimsuit models, kitties, cars, scenic vistas etc. And the calendars are filled with photos that are guaranteed to offend the least. I'm pretty sure they don't make a vagina calendar, so one could say that most monthly calendars suck.

The other calendar, the daily calendar is the kind that you tear off every day of the year. Usually they have some facts on each day, or a cartoon or picture, but lets face it. Once you look to see what is on the page for your birthday, the mystery is done. If it's cartoons you usually go ahead and read the entire year anyway (or at least I do), then forget about the calendar for months at a time and frantically tear and read all the days leading up to today. Then you have that big strip of binding glue dangling over the remaining pages like a roof, and you fidget with it and pull it off, sometimes yanking a week or so with it. Oops.

Anyway, they say, "It's the thought that counts." but really that's just rationalization because we all know that calendars suck as gifts. It doesn't stop us from giving them, but it makes us feel a teensy bit better for our lamitude.

ps-Another gift I was going to mention was the coffee mug gift, but I like the one I just received. I'm not a coffee drinker or a teacher, but it's blue, has monkeys on it, it's huge, heavy and I can frankly beat you to death with it.

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